Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Tuna Fish & Dildos

I like tuna fish.

A friend of mine ruined it for me kinda.

So I took this course in school called Magical Rites and Rituals. It was fun. We learned the symbolism of Easter eggs, came up with spells (my term paper was on advertising and subliminal spells where I picked Victoria’s Secret wherein the voiceover is of a sultry female voice repeating over and over…that technically has all the characteristics of a spell and I got an A)

Anyway, I digress

So apparently it was Ukranian custom to take a fish and put I tup the bride to be while still alive, havae it die in her, cook it in her juices and feed it to the husband. This would ensure he remained faithful.

Now my question is, did the guy get to see this happen? If it did, it put him off going down on a woman forever. I mean it figures, if I fish went up there and died, well heck, I aint going there…its like the canary in the mine. Piff! It’s dead, I’m outta here.

And was it worth it for the woman? First, did it get her off? If it did, ew ew ew. If it didn’t, why would you stuff a wriggling fish up you? Bestiality has its limits right.

But then again, apparently Led Zeppelin did that to a groupie. No fish! Go google it.

So anyway, my friend and I went into paroxysm regarding this tradition and naturally, puns flew fast, furious and wriggly too boot.

Now tuna-fishing is something more than grabbing tuna fish…and even hearing me say that is perverted, not that I wouldn’t mind reeling in tuna…ugh…see what I mean?

Incidentally, if the woman did get off, that isn’t the first recorded weird dildo…I think the Egyptians (Cleopatra) would carve smooth wooden obelisks and fill them with bees and put them up themselves…

Look, I got balls and all, but a woman who can do that, risk a bee getting loose and stinging there, god, what a woman

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