Friday, September 29, 2006

65 Things and Then Some

...from an old blog with a few additions

  1. I can wiggle my ears and roll my tongue over 180 degrees. I can also flair my nostrils and bend my hand so that my thumb touches the underside of my arm
  2. I have found just one person who cuts my hair just right in 23 years
  3. I am a hopeless romantic and am worried that the Faceless one will always be the Faceless one
  4. Music changes my mood like nothing else on earth
  5. Im a big foodie…when I grow up, I either want to be a chef, work for National Geographic or continue playing with money
  6. I have a Peter Pan complex which I am trying to grow out of
  7. I like complications in my life
  8. I love philosophy and would do it full time if I could
  9. I am a habitual people watcher and on long bus rides make up back stories for the characters on the bus
  10. I have been in love three times
  11. Most of my friends are girls and they constantly tease me about my eyebrows
  12. I have three dream purchases: a big TV, a great cell phone and a computer that works well. I have always had a small TV, I have never had a cell phone until last year and no computer has lasted more than a year without breaking down in one way or another
  13. I have tried almost every substance barring injecting myself…I will try almost anything once
  14. I want a tattoo
  15. I don’t deal with rejection well
  16. I already have an idea of what my house will be when I grow up
  17. I love to read and wherever I live must have a floor to ceiling book rack
  18. I like kids until they learn the word no
  19. I can drink like a fish but am off shots
  20. I want to learn to play the guitar so I can feel better about a crappy day
  21. I love coffee, cigs and booze way too much
  22. I have never used a a Mac
  23. While I love to know what’s going on with everyone, I seldom interfere until asked to
  24. I love my mother but haven’t told that enough, same with my dad and sis
  25. I love animals, dogs and elephants especially
  26. I have always been curious what Asian women, Latino and black women are like in bed
  27. I can make PC to a degree but fluffy headed people just bore me
  28. I am indifferent to 90% of the people on this planet, 9% catch my attention and I want to everything about them, 1% I don’t want to know and cant stand
  29. I want to take one year off and travel to Argentina, Brazil, Peru, Italy, France, Spain, Portugal, Morocco, Madagascar, Egypt, Congo, Australia and New Zealand
  30. I was born in Austria and want to go there as well
  31. I want to go shark diving and bungee jumping and sky diving
  32. I have liked my friends (ex) gf for the longest time and want to tell her but cant
  33. I was in love with my best friend , no, not BestBud, SB
  34. I can very vengeful and can forgive but never forget
  35. My favourite writers are Wordsworth, Ayn Rand, Gerald Durrell, Roald Dahl, Baudelaire, Kundera
  36. I read a lot and the names above are a tiny portion of everything I have read
  37. Right now, the nicest part of the day is lying in bed, reading and smoking. It used to be seeing the Ex
  38. I got frustrated learning how to tie shoe laces in a double knot as a kid and started crying
  39. I didn’t cry when my parents left me for the first day of school. I did on the second day though. But then again, I didn’t see them for two years in which time they made a baby sister
  40. I like girls with long hair and specific hands. But this isn’t a rule
  41. I prefer shirts to t-shirts…oh dear, I am growing up
  42. I have messed about with handcuffs, blindfolds, ice, chocolate, strawberries, pillows, and near public fooling about …and I loved all of it
  43. I have cheated on a significant other once and have never been proud of it
  44. I love the water, I can live, breathe and be happy in it. If anyone knows the psychological significance, this gives away more than it says
  45. I abhor rudeness. I can be civil and yet hate someone
  46. I don’t see why people are mean to each other
  47. I don’t understand mind games even though I indulge in them
  48. I can never play Taboo, the board game again
  49. I can not drink peppermint schnapps ever
  50. My favourite fruit is the banana be it in subzi, dessert (big Chill’s Banoffee pie…yumm!), in a drink or just plain
  51. I have a book called How to Cook Everything
  52. I would rather drive a Porsche than a Hummer
  53. I love art even though I may not agree with the general definition of what is good
  54. I have taken classes on Fixed Income Securities, Greek Architecture, Rites & Rituals, Classical Music, 3-Dimensional Multi Variable Calculus, Music in Everyday Life, Bowling
  55. I hate it when my grandmothers sisters or some relative calls up and expects me to know who they are on the phone
  56. I like having a lot of people around me, keeps me from slipping into analysing my life
  57. I can work a lot harder if i need to. I don’t if I don’t have to
  58. Jocks who act like they deserve respect because they are taller should be run over. Same of the hot blondes
  59. I have met a lot of women I can be attracted to. I haven’t been however
  60. I would love to get a gay guys opinion on sex and how he thinks
  61. I have had lucid dreams
  62. I have not been in any major car accidents. My horoscope says I should expect one in 5 years
  63. I know what to call my kid(s) if I have one (them) some day
  64. Co-incidentally, most of the women I have been attracted to have names beginning with A. This is not a rule however
  65. I get bored out in the country. I enjoy it in small bursts but will always be a city boy


So, this post can be found me a favor, if you have read my own blog and never commented, love it, hate it whatever, please post on this guys blog...

I noticed this ages back when some bitches were making noises about the Blank Noise Project in the blogosphere. I thought it was some kind of a fucky-leaky idea by some freaked out sluts who weren’t getting enough cocks. Forget the cocks, they seemed deprived of even the stares or passes, which in my opinion is very normal.
You’re kidding me right? No, seriously…and you are supposed to be 29?

Unlike most other animals, we are on heat all the seasons. So it is quite natural for men (and of course women too) too seek sex or play the ‘attracting game’.
Of course it is! Its one of the greatest things about being human…flirting is one of the most fun things…

Some females are so fucking delusional about themselves that they start believing having a cunt is perhaps winning the biggest jackpot in this universe.
I have never heard a woman say that…and I have a lot of friends who are women…well, hmm…still he is entitled to his opinion

The point is, the vagina is there for a purpose and nine hundred a ninety nine times out of a thousand a girl doesn’t want flowers. She just wants to get laid. Nothing wrong with that either, rather, it is absolutely in line with normal human behaviour.
Debatable…but I wont get into that either…

If the so-called teasing is without any violence then I am all for it. Physical assault and stalking are two things I would never ever approve. Why?
a) You do not have any right to harm/hurt/violate another human being physically.
b) Stalking is symptomatic of psycho-criminal behaviour. It is proved, so no arguments here.
I agree, never hit a girl no matter how mean she is, been stabbed to prove this point and would go through it again

The self-proclaimed moralists should know that if I have a pair of eyes to see and you a pair of boobs to show, it is my birthright to have a closer look what is being displayed in full public.
Not really. I mean I think its really rude to stare and gape…but again, this to me is more a question of civility and cant react to this strongly because I am not on the defensive position

If you wear short skirts, there is no harm in making an extra effort to take a peek what’s under it. No, I won’t lift the skirt up to see. However, if she is taking the elevator and I am below her, I shall move my head to see what colour panty she is wearing.
Similarly, it is my birthright to start a conversation with any female whom I fancy upon whether it is in a private party or in a public place if there is an opportunity to do so.
Of course it is…and odds are the girl would like to meet guys she can have a decent conversation with, of course, by decent conversation I mean one that is done face to face, not tit-to-eyeball…if that’s your approach, then good luck finding willing females (you don’t pay) to talk to you

However, I shall in no way feel free to pester anyone from entering into a conversation with me. The female has all the rights to continue or politely refuse to go into a chat with me.
Oh good…this guy must have an awfully quiet life however

The brains behind the Blank Noise Project attention deprived cunts doing whatever they can to show how desirable they are and how dangerously they live every moment outside their homes. In the process, they are managing to grab some eyeballs.
Well, I have had a friend harassed physically because she was wearing shorts outside her gate. I have punched a guy in the face because he grabbed the Ex in a way he def. shouldn’t have. I have had quite a few female friends hear stuff that would make you sick. Tell me something, you got a sister? Send me a picture and let me try on a few choice lines my friends heard on the streets of Delhi.
Better yet, send your sister out and let me have a go and eyeball her the same way you suggest.

The pictures of the gals in the blog reminded me of my ex-girlfriend. She used to look just like one of them, very common, very normal. She belonged to an ultra-conservative Marwari family. That didn’t reflect in her contemporary dressing though. She always used to be in western and casuals – the way the modern girl should be dressing.
I have immense respect for the girl. She was all innocent and never-been-kissed. She was the first girl I seriously fell in love with. I still love her more than anything else and wish that she comes back in my life. Wishful thinking, I know it is history now. Anyway, I am not discussing my love life here. The story is that it didn’t take me long to deflower her and we become great lovers for a long, long time till it abruptly ended without any reason last year.
What I learnt during my relationship with her is that girls who have a serious inferiority complex only think about sex as a taboo. It is only those girls who make issues out of non-issues like the females in the Blank Noise Project are making. Else, no matter whatever masks they wear of being innocent and sensitive to stares, remarks etc, deep inside they enjoy it. After all, why not? Getting a comment from the opposite sex is always ego boosting; great for the self-esteem. If you are a girl and get a comment on your boobs being highly gropable, you must know that your boobs are capable of turning a man on.
There is a difference in telling a woman she is beautiful and telling her you want to bend her over. If you cant pick up on this, good luck.

The bottom line is that given half a chance, a sexually developed female would easily agree to jump into the sack – family backgrounds, religious beliefs and social bindings notwithstanding. Of course, if she is a frigid and don’t get wet on stimulation then she would hit the streets crying eve-teasing.
Trust me, that’s a load of bullshit

If you are a guy and don't believe me then take a gal in your bedroom when no one is around to disturb you for a couple of hours and offer her flowers or a fuck, she will go for the fuck, or at least the suck.
Why? A good fuck gives you a great orgasm and a great orgasm is always better than flowers.

And a dick is always better than doing this to yourself, right gals? Next time get your friendly eve teaser to do this to you. He will go out of his way to find a nice place where you can do it. And, he will make you a very happy gal.


Why Do You Do The Things That You Do?

Okay, let us examine social theory and approach anxiety. It’s a common term in certain circles but requires, no, finds validation and existence everywhere where men and women can be found, especially in 21st c. watering holes.

There is a good reason for approach anxiety I think. When man was a hunter-gatherers back in the day (Once upon a time, on a mostly blue planet), women were scarce. As such, men were programmed into being nervous approaching them for mating purposes.
There was a simple reason for this, nature intended the hardiest and best of men to survive. So, make all of them nervous.
Now, take a man who has the biggest fur, the biggest cave and is the best hunter. He earns the praise of other men. He develops a sense of confidence. At the tipping point, the sense of confidence wins over the inherent anxiety. He can then strut up to a woman and grunt which in modern day parlance would equate to, hey babe, come here often? (Of course, that doesn’t work so for all the ladies out there, it translates to Hi! Im Ogg, son of Fugg).

The woman thinks, oh, he is courting me, they flirt, he shows her his cave (with just one handy-dandy door that leads to the Outdoors) and they do the dirty-dirty.

I know this jars some of the ideas you may have best b’loved, of men hitting women on the head and dragging them back to their cave for some wild monkey love/procreation

So, I think I have established that men have approach anxiety, and I can only speak for men and that it exists for a reason – nature.

Now, approach anxiety is seen very often and through personal experience and observation (you must know by now people watching is my favoritest hobby…as is making up words, im a regular bibliographer).

Exhibit A: guy walks up to girl
M: hows it going?!/can I buy you a drink/do you like the music
F: fine, thank you/im good thanks/its okay
M: …….?
(and I am being generous here, at least in this case the girl replied to Ogg, son of Fugg)

Exhibit B: guy makes joke
M: (flustered she didn’t laugh says something completely stupid)

Exhibit C: guy sees herd of dancing women

M: (guy tries to dance with one by standing behind her, brushing into her and things of the sort)

(and I have seen it fail enough times when my women friends come up to me, tap my shoulder (mid-conversation with a cute girl ALWAYS…please stop doing that!) and go, there’s a creep after me)

So, we have established approach anxiety, why it exists and how guys think they can over come it and what they interpret the advice, “be cool” to mean

So, I am talking to Bobo and she says something so obvious to girls and something that is immensely profound to a lot of guys –
if a guy sounds bubbly and happy and genuine (and that's something you just can't put on it resonates from genuine genuiness!) that's good enough incentive for me to keep the conversation rolling.

Now, connect the dots best b’loved. If a man does everything I mentioned in the scenarios and is nervous and fidgety, he is showing his anxiety. If a guy sounds like what Bobo says, I think (and this is just me) it just shows that he is a genuinely fun guy and anyone would be interested in speaking with him. Guys are under a lot of pressure to make the first move and to ‘score’ and do everything guys are supposed to. This just heightens their anxiety. If a girl talks to them, they act nervous, its because they think oh this is my one shot, how do I not blow it. In fact, if you ever talk to a guy who is nervous, there is just one single sole thought in his head, how does he not blow it or, what is the right thing to say to you.
Now, take the other guy, the one who earned the praise of other men. He isn’t thinking this is my one shot, instead he goes, oh hello! And has a genuine conversation.

But the problem comes up when the first type of guys tries to be the second kind. i.e. he is nervous but tries to demonstrate he is the biggest hunter
In a pathetic attempt to demonstrate he is the best hunters, he says some of the most pathetic things. And I draw from my own life here working in finance in NY where they talk about how much they spent on their watch/clothes/house in the Hamptons. And even in London.

In addition to all this, the modern male exhibits certain higher values which he thinks will make him more attractive to the opposite gender (in oh so many ways the opposite). The furs are still there in fancy-pant…pants (oh dear, a verbal cul-de-sac). The biggest cave is still there. The most meat (and I mean meat as food and not as you-know-what) is money. But yes, I think the idea of survival is changing. Bill Gates and the Buffets may, to a certain degree, become indicators of survival i.e. they have money and hence will be good providers. The importance of jocks, while ever present (face it, its in your genes) is diminishing. So, I think if a guy is well versed and intelligent, then he gets brownie points from women. (mind you, this wouldn’t have gone over well in the days of Ogg and Fugg, after all, what’s the point of being able to wax poetic if there’s a sabre toothed tiger following you?).

Approach anxiety in women: it exists but I obviously know nothing about this and Bobo enlightened me.
She says that she has wanted to talk to a cute guy but:

  1. what the fuck do I (bobo) say to him
  2. he's gonna think i ony wanna sleep with him
  3. he's gonna think she's making the first move so whore or oops my masculinity's been trampled on

Bobo, I cant help you on what to say to him…if I have something to say to a girl, its usually something that caught my eye or I think is unusual. If he thinks you only want to sleep with him, you picked the first type of guy I mentioned. If he thinks you are a whore, then he has self esteem issues and you don’t wanna talk to him and if he thinks you trampled on his masculinity, he has none to speak of.

Men & women live on the same planet and love each other (discounting for men who love men, women who love women, men who love animals, trees or any thing else weird and women who feel the same) but they seem to speak different tongues.

All in all, I think man is natures biggest project and I think it may need a few kinks smoothened out. How’s that for an unanthropomorphic point of view? And how’s THAT for the use of big words to demonstrate a decent intellect… well, where is the harem??

PS: in case you didn’t understand the use of ‘best b’loved’ go read ‘Just So Stories’ by Rudyard Kipling
PPS: this post my be considered uber-sexist and anti-feminist or something. But please, just accept the fact that I am not writing all this in a social / moral construct, i am trying to deconstruct the way guys behave to better understand why they do the stupid things that they do...

Thursday, September 28, 2006

“No Two Persons Ever Read The Same Book.”

So this is supposed to be a list of top 100 books and has been compiled by the good folks here...
so, any complaints I ain't to blame!

Realized haven't read too many of these...but then I found Fortunes List of 75 'Smartest' Books first and started on that...don't plan to read all those and am not open to debate if they are indeed the smartest books or not...I know they aren't, they don't have any philosophy books so can't be the smartest...

Bobo And Zaphod Watch The Talkies

Human Beans Are Just Weird

Did you know that Ben Wilson of the University of British Columbia was given an award for showing that herrings apparently communicate by farting?

Or that Daisuke Inoue of Hyogo Prefecture, Japan was awarded for inventing Karaoke providing an entirely new way for people to learn to tolerate each other?

Or the Vatican got an award for outsourcing prayers to India?

Or how about the case of Lal Bihari, of Uttar Pradesh, India, for a triple accomplishment: First, for leading an active life even though he has been declared legally dead; second, for waging a lively posthumous campaign against bureaucratic inertia and greedy relatives; and third, for creating the Association of Dead People. Lal Bihari overcame the handicap of being dead, and managed to obtain a passport from the Indian government so that he could travel to Harvard to accept his Prize. However, the U.S. government refused to allow him into the country. His friend Madhu Kapoor therefore came to the Ig Nobel Ceremony and accepted the Prize on behalf of Lal Bihari. Several weeks later, the Prize was presented to Lal Bihari himself in a special ceremony in India.

Of course, all these were Ignoble Award Winner

Then there is the pitch drop experiment
But see, it isn’t surprising until you see what pitch is like when just lying around
And then you realize that it is a liquid!

Makes you wonder if rocks are living things, just that time is reaaaaaaaaaly reallllllly slow for them
Don’t you just love how much completely useless but interesting stuff is out there?

But I guess I use this stuff to avoid thinking about things that break my heart….like this

I don’t care who does it, I don’t care why they do it, why can’t everyone stop killing everyone else?

Herd Behavior And The Average Male

I have always noticed that in a club, be it the US, London or Delhi, you always see this herd of girls dancing on the floor, kind of like buffaloes (no, not calling them cows, am just drawing on my many hours of NatGeo watching) against a bunch of tigers, (again, not being sexist, is just an allegory). And the tigers being men (no, for the last time, not throwing testosterone in your face, its just a very convenient analogy)…and here’s the thing, at least the four legged tigers have the balls, or hunger to pounce…eventually. But see, I hear from a lot of women, no one hit on me tonight or no one spoke to me…okay, so let us deconstruct this from my point of view:

** a girl wants a guy, or many guys, to talk to her. No, she isn’t looking for anything, she just wants to know that guys find her attractive. She wants to know she looks good and it doesn’t matter who the guy is, just so long as he made her feel like she looks like a million bucks.

Now if she doesn’t want this guy for any other reason than an ego boost, why is she dressed up? In case there is one guy who is the most attractive of the lot and she wants him to notice her and come up and talk to her. In that case, she leaves the herd to talk to him.

Of course, if the guy is smarter, he won’t treat her as if she were an exceptionally attractive woman. Why? Because every other schmuck treats her like that and well, I have noticed that well…okay, let me think, if I have been drunk, too drunk to notice she is hot or not, if I treat her like every other girl, she tries to make herself more attractive.. Now she cant go home and change nor can she drop her top to lower levels without her boobs popping out, so she flirts. And here’s the thing, I am FAR from being the attractive guy in the room (part truth, part habit of selling myself short, working on both). So, real life application: I have seen enough guys compliment women they see in bars or clubs. But she has heard that from so many other guys so nothing there to grab her attention. Odds are, she has the same ways of blowing guys out of the water, each one same as the next.

The basis of all this is that the guy wants to sleep with her (on an average, true but I know I have met women I am genuinely interested in and don’t want to just sleep with…hmm, I hear a post coming up on my idea of a good girl and good here doesn’t mean what you think it does)…but yes, the girl is under the impression that every guy who compliments her is after one thing (and she, on the whole, may just be right) and every guy thinks if he compliments her, she will swoon and bat her eyes at him and talk to him.

Men are from Mars and god knows where girls are from.

** I have a few friends (and now thanks them, friends’ friends) who will ask me on what to talk to a girl about. To one extreme, BestBud called from the loo during a date when he felt the conversation is waning. Then, a few days later his friend called me with the same question Why is it that guys forget that if a girl is on a date with them, they already like the guy and all he has to do is not fuck it up? And another thing, guys seem to say the most awful blithering things to a girl when they like her, they seem to get all tongue tied. Part of this is from experience and part from watching guys talk to girls. Its like one episode of Friends where Ross tries to flirt with the pizza delivery girl and ends up talking about natural gas. Now, guys lose the tongue-mind co-ordination in two cases (I think) one is when they are trying to make the girl laugh/impress her or they are on a date and the silence is so overwhelming that they have to say something. I want to try this sometime during a date…usually when I am getting bored, I refrain from inane comments and I guess the silence gets to her and she says something…but I haven’t tried this on a date…wonder if I can find a guinea pig to do this first…

** I need women’s opinions here…now pick up lines as a concept are ridiculous and oxymoronic (emphasis on moronic)…but okay, what is the best way for a guy to approach a girl? Does he say hello? Does he introduce himself? But what after? What can a guy you don’t know from a hole in the wall say after ‘hello’ that would make you want to talk to him? And one thing that works against guys is questions like, ‘do you come here often?’, ‘so, what do you do?’, ‘what’s your star sign?’, ‘do you like the music?’…I don’t think these will ever draw anyone, a dead tree stump even into conversation. There have been times I have fallen into conversation with random people but that’s usually when I am waiting for a drink and something catches my eye…one particularly memorable conversation was a girl who had a fluorescent tongue piercing and I just had to ask her why she got her tongue pierced and what that said about her. Another time, my women friends arrived 40 minutes late and I was debating with this group of girls why it takes women hours to get ready to go out to a club where you can barely make them out

But riddle me this: what does the guy say after hello…if there are any women who read this, give me stories of random guys who spoke with you for over 1.5 minutes with you trying to brush them off

The reason I ask is because I have seen enough guy friends first muster up the courage to go talk to a random girl and then last about 15 seconds and then walk back to me…funnily enough, happy they actually approached a random person…

Now Hobo talks about carrot danglers and most women I know indulge habitually in this

From this point on, I rechristen Hobo to Bobo, dont know why, don’t care to either

For instance, take Dusty, (so that isn’t her real name but I know the name well enough and that’s all matter to the likes of you lot)

I was a complete idiot and was played for a long time. When she started dating StraightLace again, she cut of all contact with me because he didn’t want her to talk to me…apparently he was under the impression I was better than him and she would see that…oh well. So anyway, I got back together with the Ex and ignored her completely. Apparently she went tearfully to her friend and said I wasn’t paying any attention to her. Of course, everyone reviled against her and said now that I wasn’t paying any attention to her and had my own life, she was disappointed but whereas when I would fawn and make gestures, she trampled over me. Oh well, I think things came to a head when Straightlace called and apologized (no doubt under pressure from our common friends who the two had managed to piss of) and apologized and said he wanted to be friends. That’s a long story but point being, whenever Dusty and Straightlace would fight, she would come to me to get a coffee and this was an obvious occurrence.. So, I was played and I played up her ego. Point being, she, along with a few other women I know, do that. Which isn’t very nice but I’m not here to make value judgements, more like how to deal with that stuff.

Its quite simple really – don’t.

>: o)

And I have to say, it worked beee-you-ti-fully

Anyway, to all the carrot-danglers I hope for your sake guys don’t catch on to the game, else what will happen is that they will pull out a pair of scissors, snip through your ego and get the carrot anyway….

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

"I'm in a New York State of Mind"

Some folks like to get away
Take a holiday from the neighborhood
Hop a flight to Miami Beach
Or to Hollywood
But I'm taking a Greyhound
On the Hudson River Line
I'm in a New York state of mind

I've seen all the movie stars
In their fancy cars and their limousines
Been high in the Rockies under the evergreens
But I know what I'm needing
And I don't want to waste more time
I'm in a New York state of mind

It was so easy living day by day
Out of touch with the rhythm and blues
But now I need a little give and take
The New York Times, The Daily News

It comes down to reality
And it's fine with me 'cause I've let it slide
Don't care if it's Chinatown or on Riverside
I don't have any reasons
I've left them all behind
I'm in a New York state of mind

Smart Cookie

"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues."
-- Abraham Lincoln (politician)

....does that mean I am oh so very virtuous?

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The 'Oooo Ahhhh' Effect

My christmas present to me:

Now here is one that is more questionable:

At the bottom of the page, hit the 'Click Here' button

Mint Tea, Lesbonym, Boom the S, Sex Shop, Spring (?) Cleaning...A Very A.D.D. Weekend

I have been putting off writing this post because so much went on and I don’t think I can remember all of it.

So Friday night for once was a quiet night home. In NY, whenever someone at work asks me of my plans for the weekend, every now and then I say, a quiet night home, where all I want to do is hit the gym, take a long shower and do small things like sort mail, read for half an h our, watch a movie or play on the X-Box…just that, seriously! And it so rarely happens…SB calls and says, hey we are going out, which is less of a question and more an implication that ‘we’ includes ‘me’.
Or Filmmaker comes over and we have wine and go have dinner and end up buzzed and go out again.
But yes, I do this thing where I tell one group of friends I am meeting the other and vice versa and everyone is happy, including me in a ragged t shirt and boxers, watching a movie or just toking
Oh and when I mentioned doing that (dodging friends) to AB she said she did the same thing and that we were soul mates…women! But hey…you know…heck…oh fuck.yeah I know, I’m a sap, throw a brick at me now

So anyway, Friday night, night home…I think…sorry, weekend is fuzzy. Though Saturday, Hobo and I were on our hands and knees….pervs! we were cleaning and by cleaning I mean doing poncha, scrubbing every single thing, vacuuming twice, scouring the bathroom floors and shower stall and we finally collapsed at 5pm. But the place looks beee-ooooo-tiful…say it with me people, beeeee-oooo-tiful…almost felt sinful living in the place considering Hobo is a girl and sheds 60 hair more than I and I am growing a winter pelt. We decided

a) we will keep it clean forever and ever

b) if people visit, they will be given bubble wrap shoes and can walk around and make delightful popping noises when there is a lull in conversation

c) there will be a blue pig piggy-bank on the table where people donate money for us to buy cleaning material with

So, that then Saturday evening comes Poppy. And I was trying to think of a pseudonym for her but well, it’s the perfect name for a lesbian (lesbonym a la Friends style), substance taking, rubber wearing, scatological lady who cracked me up.

Oh yeah, we discovered mint tea…its this middle-eastern food place a few doors down ( I love how many things, including Ed’s Diner are a few doors down). And I love it…its…no, seriously, if you come to London and get in touch with me, and if I like you enough, I will take you out for mint tea and sheesha and one zany conversation

So first I believe Hobo and Pops hit the wine and I am not up for it, not after two weekends ago when my neurons seem to coagulate into one big steaming pile of random thoughts and wheezings. But then Poppy pulled out the fun stuff and I was so very ready to (hobo, apologies but I like phrasing it this way) boom the godddang Shankar yee’haw! (look, I went to college in the southern part of the US, I drink bourbon, lapse into y’all when I am pissed and say dang!...i am allowed honorary yee’haws too)

And see, we made elaborate, geeky, Aquarian preparations – McVities chocolate covered cookies with strawberries, big bag of chips, big bag of chocolates and enough ciggies.

Course, we proceed to imbibe, and I love the taste of it, ire ally do, weed doesn’t do it for me too much, too sharp a buzz and too intense. I like my hash and hash loves me. I really like the gentle mellowness that washes over you, I don’t get a hangover, I sleep like a log and I don’t do it too often. Seriously? This is an ideal place for a rant on legalizing it but well…

Poppy’s mother was/is a fashion designer who did clothing for the likes of Mick Jagger and other people that make your eyes glaze over and make you hear guitar riffs…and she was telling me that she lives in some fuck-all village but since her mother was famous, she grew up in the company of the Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, Naomi Campbell…

Of course, the kids her age in the village didn’t know who all these people were so she couldn’t really talk about them…I have to say, and I told her, it seems a bit of a schizophrenic reality when on one side all you have is the cows and ride to school in a tractor with a sheep dog on your lap and the following weekend, you and your sister are kids running past Jagger or the guys from Duran Duran after a fashion show.

And then there’s her dad who is homophobic and sent her abusive emails and there was a restraining order out against him.

Or the time that a girl wanted Poppy, to um, make on her and Poppy, in her what I am guess is characteristic what not knowing her all that well, well, poppy just went ahead and made on her…and it was funny hearing her describe it like its something normal, that you close your eyes and imagine sitting on the pot but instead you look down and see someone…anyway, it was really surreal because here I am mashed out my head, listening to Pearl Jam (ahhhh, the memories) and poppy is ….

Its like I drift around, my mind does that is, one hand I am watching the TV…next I hear a patch of a really good riff on the music system, then poppy talks about scat, Hobo is dancing, Outkast is playing, the cats in the alley are calling and I’m just sitting strumming…

I like how time becomes all gluey and thick and stretchable when I’m there…like bits mash together, its uneven and you can just sink right into it.

We were listening to U2’s With or Without You and I go to my room to change because Hobo and Poppy wanna go out. I hear singing and at first I think it’s the Hobo because if the windows are open, you can hear everything in the living room in the bedroom. But then I realize it isn’t her…I get back to see Poppy and Hobo having removed all my books from the ledge, leaning out and I’m thinking, okay I am way too spaced for this right now, where’s are the bodies attached tot these legs? Oh wait, I stick out the window myself and see them first and make sure all of the is still there. I look up a few stories to the building in from and see two (gay?) guys who we proceed to make small talk…so heck, now I know the neighbours.

We go down Old Compton and Poppy points out the Admiral Duncan which has a pink signboard and is obviously gay. Apparently, the place was bombed by Islamic fundamentalists (fatalists) because it was gay central…apart from the fact that I live a few doors over, I just felt sick…you don’t go killing someone because they are gay..i mean if you know them and they did something horrible and deserve it, fine…but you don’t kill someone you don’t know, you don’t hurt them and you don’t do it in such a way at least

Fucking cunts

So anyway, she pointed out a sex shop which is known for the PVC clothes they carry and Poppy went with her mother there once…apparently they were looking at PVC vests and whole body suits and the cashier looks at them and goes something to the effect, “oh you two are so cute together, how long have you been with one another”

Yeah…so if I ever go to a sex shop with my mom and someone insinuates I am there with her, I don’t think I can take it with the aplomb poppy seemed to demonstrate…I mean yeah, so I have toked with my mum once but it was once and then too it was way too surreal

Anyway, what else, well I think we had 8 between the three of us…and I loved it…uhoh, I think I am rediscovering my love for hash…and goa is going to be a blast!

Oh yesterday was the Ex’s birfday…and I had to be polite and called and of course, I was an hour early but heck,, I figures she would have been inundated with calls at midnight (she wasn’t apparently because I called at midnight and she sounded a bit baleful). But yeah, we spoke for 15 minutes and well, at least I get the feeling she misses me…she used the same cutesy names when we were together and said it felt like forever and then some that we hadn’t spoken in...anyway, point being she is going to be in Bombay in December when I go to visit 11ses and TB…and I really hope that while the world is small, Bombay is large enough for me to avoid her…and if I do, Goa is potent enough to obliterate this year from memory…so, who’s with me??

Oh and congratulations to Hobo for finding part time job…am very proud of her and will post pictures of her new work place if they let me in and if they let me take pictures…no, it isn’t what you think, it’s a lesbian sex toy women’s health store where guys can only enter as guests

Friday, September 22, 2006

Same Sentiment, Different Tongues

MT decided to write shaa’yars

What he said was “devastating”

"dil ki choton ne kabhi chain se rehne na diya
jab chali sard hawa, maine tujhe yaad kiya...
... iska rona nahi kyon kiya tumne dil barbaad
iska gham hai ke bahut der se barbaad kiya..."

-- Ghulam Ali

What I found ‘devastating’:

In every clime and under every sun,
Death laughs at ye, mad mortals, as ye run;
And oft perfumes herself with myrrh, like ye
And mingles with your madness, irony!"

-- Charles Baudelaire

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Zaphod Thinks About the Future

Seeing the Hobo apply for jobs made me thing what I wanted to do over the next few years.

I think, and this is at this point of time, (I hereby bring attention to this as a disclaimer saying I am 23 and am not sure what I want to do eventually), when I eventually grow up want to be a consultant on Indian government projects. For instance, I was speaking with this guy at McKinsey who worked on a feasibility and evaluation on the world’s most extensive railway network. That’s….really cool (at the rate of sounding like a real geek). So, I think at the end of three years at my current place, I want to do something like that. And hopefully I can work at a consulting firm for two years, do an MBA and get back to India with well, who am I kidding, McKinsey (if I can manage that).

So, I think gradually am going to look into this and apply in my third year (beginning June 2007)

Any Space on That Tree?

So okay you know how in the Land of Cliches, you have trees with “Initials + Initials” within a heart carved into the trunks? Yeah? Of course in Delhi, clichés seem to run wild all over the walls of the Jantar Mantar, and wall space not otherwise used as a convenient toilet or spittoon

(I like that word for some reason, kind of onomatopoeic don’t you think? in the cartoons the one legged captain would hock a loogie at the spittoon and it would make this ringing sound?)

But yeah, you see these initials + initials all over the place.
Well, I propose one tree that has the opposite, kind of like initial – initial = life and moving on

Everyone I seem to know is breaking up. Okay so lets take stock:

1) NS and SS who started dating in college and are two really close friends but I thought they were mismatched and have innumerable break-up/back togethers I think they are done for good this year

2) AB and MT – after him liking her since the 8th grade and them dating for two years, they too are done and I think she has moved on (already you ask?!)

3) Hobo and the Tree aka Lambu

4) Hobo’s friend and her bf in Singapore

5) My last hook-up and her bf (earlier this year)

6) Me

Don’t get me wrong, there are survivors thus far to this year – Filmmaker and her bf, Ash and her bf, 11’ses and her TV host….

Well, its so far 2:1

If you can count yourself as one of the casualties of this decidedly wreck of a year, sign there below!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Bush Farts in the U.N.

Sept. 20 (Bloomberg) -- Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez
called President George W. Bush ``the devil'' and ``world
tyrant'' in a speech to the United Nations General Assembly in
which he urged the member governments to fight U.S. domination.
``The devil came here yesterday,'' Chavez, 52, said in
remarks that included accusations that the U.S. is plotting to
overthrow him and that the UN is helpless to combat the threat
posed by U.S. power. He said the podium in the General Assembly
hall still ``smells of sulphur today,'' a reference to what is
termed the devil's element in mythology.

21st ct. Avatar

I am writing notes on an auto parts company after having spoken to an Asian with a bad accent while trying to calm down Best Bud who calls to tell me that the girl he likes is getting back together with her ex (and even goes on to ask me, aur kya kar raha hai) while another guy in the NY office is calling me to correct me on someone else’s mistake (in a good way like oh, she should have seen that) while I have a call with the head of my desk in 30 minutes

Right, every generation has its defining characteristic – 60’s were free love, 70’s were disco and looking slick, 80’s was the me generation, 90’s GenX….now, it’s the age of multitasking and all the gods in the Hindu pantheon will be armed with iPods, Blackberries, Palms, laptops, cell phones (with Bluetooth) and a migraine

On Ugly Architecture

Hobo and I discussing miseries of falling out of love (more like being pushed out it like you would Mama from a moving train)

Hobo says:
then u pick up my carrion off the road after i jump from the BT tower building

Me says:
ugly building

Hobo says:
though as skyscrapers tho that's a bitchingly ugl building to kill myself from

Hobo says:

Hobo says:
loser aquarians

Me says:
goddamnit girl

In a nutshell, talk to me, talk to her, end up with the same conclusion…oh dear

You have to wonder if the two of us walk into the Twilight Zone where we attain omnipotence, what would happen to the world….can something be delicious and scary at the same time? Coz the thought of that…is!

Musings...Now (!) With Pictures!

I really feel like writing. I think after such dense thoughts and after my last (and I mean it, last I say and I say in eye-talics) debacle with the Ex I am turning over new leaf (flip)

So lets see, I was marvelling at how disproportionate the world is. Hobo treated me to 'Britney's Most Shocking Moments' on VH1. How on earth can they make a program where one of the segments is that the tattoo on her neck in Hebrew is backwards. Yes, it is asinine but really? She's on TV for that? Or that Jessica Simpson's, babe she may be, won endorsements from Dominos for her infamous 'are buffalo wings chicken of buffalo?'. Look, I have espoused some gems in my time. So have my friends

(we went camping in the hills and were driving this convertible Mustang and Ash looks out at the Big Blue (sky) and goes, is that the ocean?
SB came up with the word nudiddity

SB walked into a fire hydrant because her long legs make walk with her head in the clouds)

Now why I aren't I on TV for that? (oh wait, im not a blonde busty woman….wouldn't want to be either). But yes, the point is, you have millions of people going crazy over generic blonde bimbos in a less healthy way (the healthy way being boing! She's hot and leaving it at that, the less healthy way being, oh holy crap, did you see the T shirts Britney Spears is wearing (cut to a montage of her wearing a T shirt saying "I'm a virgin but this is an old T-shirt" or another one that cleverly quips "Mrs. Federline" )

Ye gads people!

And that isn't the end of it…you see fashion shows where women wear everything from feathers to the kitchen sink and these things cost hundreds of thousands of dollars…what gives?

What's worse is that I am kinda there myself…hmm, I think this stems with the fact that I am going to buy this:

And scrap this:


And here's why, the thing wont start…it just wont, you boot it and you have this black screen looking back at you, it's the Abyss I tells ya! God I hate computers….the new thing with kids (and by this I mean sorostitutes and frat rats) is the term BSOD – say it with me, Bee-sod…aka the blue screen of death…and while the concept isn't new, its been around ever since Windows version anything has been, and I have personally dealt with it several times, i can't believe that they call it BSOD now

(its like these girls i heard going, you don't get it, they said the word lol, instead of laughing, they said lol....and it doesn't end there, I've heard them say 'b-r-b' and 't-t-y-l'...makes me want to rip my arm off and hit them on the head with the bloody stump)

anyway, more on the *blue screen of death* seen herewith:

Moving on.

And notice how cleverly I drop this in so that when I read this years from now I can fool myself into thinking this was trivial enough and made the same impact on my life as Britney Spear's t shirt "I am the American Dream"…its my attempt at keeping a stiff upper lip

I had my last fall out with the Ex. I think you go through two stages…okay more, but one is defined as when you scream at them and the other when you throw self respect to the wind, admit how you feel…it all ends when you offer them the biggest thing you can (and I don't have the balls to spell it out here but I know what I am talking about) and they say 'I don't'

So, like I said, moving on

So where was i? yeah, work has been hectic and has left me with more dents in my jaw than I hope to remember, comes from clenching hard under pressure (no pervy remarks)…anyway, so, gone over disproportionality, gone over the x who has now been relegated to one-letter status

Oh yeah, speaking of the alphabets, the other x's seem to pop in from time to time…or okay, x's and hook-ups…one is I believe in the US Navy as a battle co-ordinator somethingummy – what she told me was basically she would be in the funky airplanes above the battle ground, the ones with a large antenna growing out its back and would manage the logistics of the battle….now that's a fry cry from my own job in a fancy-schmancy building (and I refer to the NY office here since its teh perfect cliché) on the 26th floor, one street over from Central Park with a biometric scanner just to get inside and white shirts with suits and ties…oh well, I wish I knew how to get in touch with her.

Then the other one, turns out and I found out later, is the adopted sister of a pretty famous actor in Hollywood…oh well

And another was MK who I believe is still in LA or is looking for a job in marine biology…and then there's the super smart one who is getting engaged later this year and messages me occasionally saying she needs to go to a shrink and asking me to come to Prague…

Mixed bag no?

Oh, in other financial news, Amaranth blew up. Amaranth is a pretty big hedge-fund that invested in natural gas. I believe they lost 30% in one of their funds because of their star trader (and I say star because he made the firm $75mm-$100mm last year)….when asked to comment, all he said was 'oops'
(okay not really but heck, what can you say to blowing up billions? I'm sorry?)

And then that crap in Thailand with the faux coup…is every one going nuts? Look, I don't get it, I wouldn't want to run a country…I mean me relaxing in my big gold tub being interrupted every 3 minutes, the army is making an attempted coup (kill them), the people are starving (go invade country 2, take their oil, make their leader attack us, cower and make him look like the bad guy….oh wait, that's already been done hasn't it?), taxes are going through the roof and the currency is falling (just take every single piece of money and divide it by 10,000 …. Turkey did that to a greater extent)

Enough ruminations, must go:

1) work

2) hit up gym

3) hit on xyz (am at the stage where I really don't think I have anything to lose, whatever I did, x took care of that yesterday)

4) work on blistering fingers in the name of music and doing something I want to i.e. the gee'tar