Why why why why why why why why?
Did I ask why?
AB: so I need to speak with MT (my best friend and her now ex) and need to tell him I am going on a date
AB (interrupting me): so what’s up?
AB: either you don’t approve or its because you felt something…?
Me: uhoh, was I that transparent…I would love to tell her, yeah, I cant say i can help you with this, heck, I’m nuts about you girl and well, I cant say I didn’t expect this but I was hoping you would know before you saw someone else
Me: well, (the ex) is dating some guy and I think some of the resentment is transferring over and I am putting myself in MT’s shoes and well, that is carrying over (in other words, anything to stop her from thinking I like her)
AB: oh okay
Look, I am buzzed on 2 ½ bottles of wine, I….
Shoot me now
So at 5am, I call up AB coz…coz I wanted to talk to her Her knee has her bed-ridden and I felt badly…I just wanted to speak to her….dumbass…no more talking to ex-l***s especially when you are drunk.
But I caved and called.
So there is this other guy she likes.
Why do I fall for the wrong women? Of all the girls in the all the world I have to fall madly for:
1) my best friends ex
2) someone who is in another country
3) someone who is going on a date with someone else
Am I retarded? Can I not accept certain inevitable outcomes? I mean seriously, it feels like a broken record stuck in a loop. Here I am, with at least 2 women willing to give into something shallow and I have to fall for her….i mean look….fine, I am scared that she felt, albeit for a fleeting moment, that I said what I did because I felt something for her now….but the fact that she asked, threw me off
All I want to do right now is forget that I am capable of any human capacity for affection for anyone in this sordid little planet...leave me alone… I get it now…just….. feeling likes saying I am almost done