Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
It reminds you of who you were and where you have come from. I said something of the sort, 4 years back. And that in itself triggers remembering.
Of course, some times it's just remembering. The way I'm voicing it now is a function of how I choose to approach it. Truism but a defense against the accusation of drama/romanticizing something.
But perhaps it's that self indulgent pleasure of being able to romanticize and of having something to romanticize. Of course, it was a bunch of 20 somethings…teenagers actually but in the process of growing up.
And I've said this before, growing up is volatile, high deviations, peaks and wallows. Growing up is reducing that volatility. Mellowing down is an appropriate description if by that you mean having a better sense of control and kilter.
But coming back to the point (which is influenced by Chicago by Sufjan Stevens) is that remembering is fun. It's remembering how you felt back when. It's different. And I do like having the people who remind me of that still be there.
What is it that I miss? Angsty rubbishy stuff? The newness of feeling? Ooo. That. The newness of feeling. Of emotion. That. Was it good or healthy? That's a value judgement. It was and well, it was.
mmm, There is an End by The Greenhornes
aaah, even better: Trouble by Hope Sandoval of Mazzy Star ness
I'm happy. Things are exciting right now. And I love that feeling. It's the same / different newness. Sameness but approached differently.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Doubt is the biggest opponent to faith. Think about it
The moment you begin to doubt something, the pure faith you put it in it disappears. [Edit: so does innocence. I would define innocence as the blind faith in something to the level where it were knowledge. Hence, Adam and Eve were 'innocent' in that they had pure belief in the world as created by god that it were knowledge]
For instance, we all knew the earth was flat. Then one day, someone might have asked, well, what if it weren't. Perhaps a small example thrown in.
Forget that, what about the absolute belief we could never have ever from the lower primates (98% identical genetic material be damned). But what if one person with some semblance of the rational asked, what if we did? It takes some degree of, I can't say courage because if you are a rational person, you will indulge in self doubt so it's a logical phenomenon that indicates upward to some rationale, perhaps the purest form of rationale being able to indulge in self doubt not afraid that if all examples but one proved otherwise, you would/could come to find the courage to question it. Okay then what if it took one person to have that courage/rationale to believe that *thusfar* all examples pointed in one direction but yet one remained, you could have a logical base for questioning
What the fuck is my point
The point: Do i have to feign ignorance of my (lack of) abilities to have self-confidence or can I have both together; can I know my short comings and yet be self-confident? The inference is that to have self-confidence you have to KNOW that you are perfect and infallible. So how are you self confident? Well, you need to have some belief in the fact. (BELIEF) that past history is evidence enough.
[Edit: either 'ugh' at the logic of that statement OR that the assumptions are faulty. In hind sight, it's the latter]
So yes,, you have to BELIEVE that past precedence is representative and hence, you must have the ABILITY to deal with stuff and hence, not a belief in that you will know it all but that you can figure it out is the root of self confidence.
I hope no one has to read all this and try and understand it.
I need to go back and edit the stream.
I take it all back. Self confidence stems from the faith in your ABILITY to deal with stuff, not know stuff. No one knows everything. But a few people deal with everything. How? Because they can. And they build on each one. So why shouldn't/can't I? I've gone through it. It's just a question of converting each non-step into a lesson and trying again.
Braindfood, nom nom nom