Wednesday, November 17, 2010

It doesnt get any easier

I suppose all that is different is I will wallow less. But god does it not feel good.
I put in three beautifully laborious days of hard work, I pulled out all the stops to give it my best. And I honestly believe I did. I know I did.

So does that mean my best wasn't good enough? How do I reconcile myself with that. And 2010 was supposed to be the best year yet. There are 6 weeks left. Best year my ass.

Yes, I know I have a million things to be grateful for and I am. I really am. But.
It doesn't feel good. I really tried. And unfortunately I let in some hope. Not a lot. Not once did I think oh if I got it. But it went well, it really did.

I don't know how I'm going to pull this off, I don't know where I'm going to land and if it's going to be on my feet.

Well, as always, will let this be a swift kick in the ass and will push myself more I guess, what else is there.

I know I'm going to rebound faster than before, that's the only thing I do take away each time. But god does it feel raw.

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