Monday, July 31, 2006

The campus

And the hostess :o)

Picture perfect picture (and a verbal cul de sac apparently)

Ohhh ole McDonald...

Cue Whitesnake!

..."here I go on my own"

I liked this picture...dunno why

The marshes



Meh...Apathetic Moody Monday Blues

Well, I’m not in trouble – I simply haven’t done anything at all and I know I wont and if I do tell anyone and they say don’t do anything, I will smack them!

But yeah…as expected am thinking about everything and am feeling blue. If life is like a box of stupid chocolates, why do mine taste like crap?

Meh…gloomy Monday blues I guess….speaking AS about his events with women isn’t helping…bringing back faint feelings that I haven’t felt in god knows how many years…why on earth…why now of all times? Don’t I have enough muck? Goddangit

The dreams have remained the same, the faces have changed, that’s all…between the three, they have changed…and after the last face, I thought they would be nameless, faceless for awhile….i thought so until last night…ugh

Here we go again.

Only difference is that now I can’t/won’t tell anyone.

Going Down In Flames...

Written: 30th July '06

Ahh bloggee, I have missed you. I can't believe Flash Gordon is on TV right now (Flash! Flaa-AAAAsh!) That was a god-awful movie! And I cant believe the guy from Fiddler on the Roof (Topol?) actually acted in it. Talk about bad career moves.

So this weekend was hectic. Friday evening barely made the train to visit my friend at W------ where she is studying. Got there Friday evening and hung around and it was great to be in a college town. But I loved the train – took the Virgin and I guess I do have wanted lust. As always, passed all these gorgeous little farmhouses and as always wondered what I would have been like if I had lived in them or better yet what it would be like to live at one of these for a few months. I think the "Grapes of Wrath" is rubbing off on me.

The bathrooms in the trains have a button to push to have the round door slide along (very ‘Fifth Element’, campy in that way). Now I was sitting in the hall way with the bathroom (never you mind the smell) because all the seats were taken and there were too many people talking and I could hear all of them and needed peace albeit stinky. So I see this woman trying to close the door as in pull it shut. But there were three buttons on the opposite wall – one to shut the door, another to lock and a button to open once you are done. So considering she didn't see the button to close the door and was pulling it shut, I presumed she didn't lock it either. Now I didn't think that I could tell her once she was inside.

The universe I swear does things to us just to get a kick out of it and laugh at us. God, if he or she exists, has a wicked sense of humour!

Two girls came along, pushed the button to open the loo…and it did and from my angle I just saw the other lady's scrabble at the door as it swung open…talk abut being caught with your pants down

I should have said something I guess but well…what? That there is someone in there and odds are they don't know how to lock the door?

O dear o dear

Then met a few of NM's friend and they were a nice lot…we hung out and just talked and I love catching up with NM because well, we think alike and have the same sense of what tickles us.

We took the scenic route back and walked passed this field a la "Children of the Corn" and that freaked us out with NM yelling at me for ruining the field for her …heheheh

The next day we went lazed about and got out of the house at 3pm just coz we were famished and went down to Leamington (lemming lemming lemming lemming…I love that word) and had lunch/dinner at a really nice place called the Leamington Bar and Grill. Ooo and I got to try a pinor gris which I just read about in "Thirsty Work"

[my new hobby for this year is wine and im so going to go for a wine tasting class in NY. Its incredible how much effort goes into making wine…but I think my favorite part may be on how the grapes are grown. Chile seems to be new darling simply because of how the grapes have perfect weather where its hot and dry during the day but the ocean breeze chills them at night making the skin taut). I’d love to go to Chile – always have passages from Gerald Durrell coming up in my head, the pampas, the toreadors and tapas (okay so I got my Latin American countries mixed up). ]

Then went out to The Kenilworth in Kenilworth and sat outside coz we wanted to smoke. It started raining and the desperate fucks we are (me, NM and 2 of her friends) we took out our umbrellas…fortunately we got to sit in. Dang, will re-edit this post with pics

And this morning AB called NM up.

Now AB is one of three women I felt I could see myself falling in love with (which is weird for me to admit in black and white since I don’t really feel that way very often…crushes sure, but not this)

And I can be honest about AB to myself because I know nothing can happen (even though people have said never say never) and its ancient history. But I liked her in the 10th grade and we lost touch and she began dating a really good friend who has liked her since the 8th grade. Now she called up at what I can imagine was 5am her time since she is in Canada and NM had to leave the room to talk to her since I was in there and I guess it was private but an hour and a half long. Turns out she is breaking up with my friend because of the long distance thing.

[I don’t know how I feel about that being in a 5 yr relationship where 4 years were long distance. It’s not easy. You can fight and scrabble to keep the relationship going. But I guess I crave having that person near me. I wish I could say relationships are mostly cerebral and well, yeah, they are (for me anyway) but I just…need that person around. Plus its hard to grow together when you don’t share the same experiences. And sometimes its an effort to talk to the other person…I don’t know. I thought that love was this perfect happy dippy thing that could survive but look, im just trying to avoid believing that love is a question of geography. It shouldn’t be!

so much for the last of the unicorns

Growing up sucks sometimes]

But even though I wont ever admit it to anyone, I didn't think they were right for each other. I don't know. There are a few people I can spend hours talking to. SB was one of them…we would spend hours one summer on the phone. I don't think I have ever had a meaningful conversation with AB (not to take away from what we do talk about) but I don't think something has come up of the sort. But still, its just…fun.

Of course the icing on the cake was the fact that 2 people said we fit right and it just freaks the hell out of me when they say it. Like SN is one of her closest friends and I remember one time this year, I think in February we had gone to Opus and we were talking about friends we had in common and she said AB and MT (her boyfriend, my friend) were having issues and I ask SN why she had a falling out with MT. She said she didn't think they made the best couple.

[This is interesting because as a friend you want the best for the people you care about and while I want the same, its hard for me to know when im stepping over the line and where the distinction of "its her/his business" comes up so as a rule I only offer advice when asked. ]

Anyway I instinctively defended MT but I did ask her if she approved of anyone AB had gone out with. And she said no and I'm like, "then?". Perhaps its was the weed or booze or both but she goes "you would be perfect for her". Now that freaks me out because I don't like to think of what could have been.

[It just leads me to question everything and wonder if I can ever be at peace with what I have. I know what I want. It's the frustration of not getting it that tears me up. Now either I act on it, and inevitably get hurt and walk away a bit sadder. Or I can play chicken and just keep myself busy and hope that something comes along and makes me happy enough.

yeah okay, so I know what I want and sometimes I hate that…coz I keep working toward it but seem to get pushed back. Would I rather stumble about trying to find out what I want? I dunno…sometimes that seems easier…seems less painful than knowing what you want but living with the niggling feeling that you wont get it. And see, that’s a shame because I always maintain, “take what you get” but always always mumble in my mind “and fight for the rest”. And I do. But I can’t when it comes to other people. There is nothing to fight and make them change their mind. I mean in the end you are fighting with them and forcing them to change and in doing so changing who they are (kinda like what Heisenberg had to say…)

I hope this makes sense.]

Anyway and im speaking with AS, my ex today and told her that AB was thinking about breaking up. She goes, oh you two are perfect….meh?

No seriously, what?

It just freaks me out that she felt that way and I didn't and I didn't even think about it because I haven't in so long. And im like what on earth gives you the right to say that? She said she knew me better than I do.

Ugh. No, I don't like AB but I know I could if it ever arose. Of course, when I told AS that :

a) I didn't feel that way (to which she said if you think about it, you will) and

b) it was against the rules,

AS blew up and said that if these rules guys make up stand in the way of you being with the one person you may just fit with perfectly, then you are all morons.

I don't know. I haven't thought about AB like that in 6-7 years…and for good reason…I guess she was the first person I ever fell for to that degree (the next one being my ex and the one after many years later viz. SB) and being an aquarian, I don't think I will ever shake the very thin slivers of feeling that still remain.

Anyway, I am a bit sad that those two have issues. I mean I thought MT, since he liked her for so very long, would be able to make her very happy. And honestly, I like AB as a person and I always hoped she would be happy. Pity things don't turn out the way you imagined.

Havent I said that often enough?

Anyway, I hope AB figures things out and I'm sure she will be fine…at least I hope she does.

O dear…I don't know why I think/dream of the things I do…always get me into trouble

Sunday, July 30, 2006


if anyone knows of a better software or way to get pics up on blogger, please do let me know

it took forever to get the pictures from the last post up to the point where i nearly pulled my hair out!!!!!!!!!!!!

I forgot to post this -- i went on a haunted walk on the 16th of this month....

The prewalk pint

The Black Friar -- see him in the upper right thar?

Now that's house on haunted hill!!

The route

The first reading of the 12th Night happened
here....but that wasn't the focus of the walk...a skeleton was found here sometime later and no one knows who can claim it...but the claimant does walk around

We were at the Temple Church and here's what's to be said about this site: The Temple gets its
name from the Knights Templar, the monastic military order founded in 1118 with the avowed intent of protecting pilgrims on the road to Jerusalem. This was their London citadel and in 1185 they built their Round Church, which was modelled on the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, and which still survives today. The Templars were well-connected and soon became influential in the politics of the age. They quickly attracted grants of land and money as the younger sons of noble families flocked to enrol in their ranks, and by the 13th century they were one of the most powerful monastic orders in Christendom. In England the Master of the temple was frequently called to sit in the King�s Parliament and successive monarchs, King John included, frequently stayed at theTemplars London base, and the Master of the order was by the King�s side at the signing of Magna Carta. By the early years of the 14th century the Templars were the most powerful monastic Orders in Europe and were answerable only to the Pope himself.

But their success attracted the jealousy and greed of many other Orders and eventually that of the nobility and monarchs of Europe as well. In 1306 Philippe 1V of France had become determined to rid his territories of the Knight Templars. At dawn on Friday October 13th 1307 the King made his move, and with the backing of the Pope, Clement V, all the Knights Templars in France were simultaneously arrested by Philippes agents. Under torture, some Templars "admitted" to all manner of blasphemous and indecent acts. Many of their number were burnt at the stake and eventually in 1312 the order of the Knights Templar was officially dissolved throughout Europe.

There are many conspiracy theories concerning the real reason for dismantling of the order, and some of them go far beyond the simple and obvious motive that Philippe simply wanted to get his hands on their lands. Several modern day fringe researchers have claimed that the order stored secret knowledge, linking them to the lost teachings and relics of Christ, including the Holy Grail.

But in London, their Round Church still stands as a proud testimony to these soldiers of Christ. In 1324 the Templars London estate was given to the Knights Hospitallers of St John, and some of the monastery buildings were rented to law students for accommodation. The connection with the law flourished and it is lawyers who today worship in the church.

Despite its extensities renovation following bomb damage in the Second World War, the Temple Church is still a very special and atmospheric place. The first thing that strikes you when you enter are the effigies of knights that lie peacefully recumbent on the floor within. The hustle and bustle of the world outside seems centuries away as you stand gazing down upon these long ago members of the order, and such is the power of the building that some people claim that this building is one of the most psychically charged structures in the whole of London.

Do I spy...

St that's something I am sure Edward Rutherford has written about (re: Pillars of the Earth and Sarum)

Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese is one of the few pubs in London that can justify the Ye Olde in its name. It was well known in the 17th century and
many pubs have previously occupied this site, one of them the Horn Tavern, is recorded in 1538. The earliest incarnation was a guest house belonging to a 13th century Carmelite Monastery, the pub's vaulted cellars are thought to belong to that building. The pub was destroyed in the Great Fire of 1666 and rebuilt the following year.

Approached through a narrow alleyway (Wine Office Court) the Cheese beckons you into a bygone world. By the entrance a board lists the reigns of the 15 monarchs through which this grand old pub has survived. The dark wooden interior is an enchanting warren of narrow corridors and staircases, leading to numerous bars and dining rooms. There are so many, even regulars get confused. On the ground floor are two rooms. The smaller is a very dark panelled bar with a large open fireplace and high mantle. Above this is a portrait of William Simpson, who started as a waiter in 1829, which was to be passed down to future landlords.

The Chop Room across the corridor is usually reserved for diners. Here high backed settles have been arranged back to back to create small booths. A portrait of one of the Cheese's most famous patrons, Dr. Samuel Johnson (his house is around the corner) hangs on a far wall, and his chair set upon a shelf. A copy of Johnson's dictionary should be nearby. Another painting of Johnson and his biographer, Boswell, was found in a cellar relatively recently and restored. In the main stairwell increasingly narrow steps lead up to a couple of atmospheric dining rooms and to private quarters. Unfortunately these rooms are often closed, which is a shame as they give a feel to the rambling nature of this wonderful old building.
Negotiating the narrow and awkward steps down to the cellar bars is rewarded with the discovery of the vaults, a fascinating series of tiny, honey coloured stone rooms. These vaults were part of the original guest house's chapel. The steps continue into the cellar proper, where a further bar and dining area can be found.
Volumes of visitors books were kept and signatories include Ambassadors, Prime Ministers and Royalty. Unfortunately these records began after the likes of Dr. Johnson, James Boswell, Voltaire, Thackeray and of course Charles Dickens (originally a Fleet St. journalist) drank here. One famous resident was a parrot who's mimicry entertained customers for 40 years, its death was announced on the BBC and obituaries appeared in newspapers all over the world.
Each generation that passes through the Cheese adds to its rich history. Note: that darn parrot could cuss in 9 languages!!

Sweeney Todd, (also spelt Sweeny) the demon barber of Fleet Street had his shop at number 186 Fleet Street, which is now the Dundee Courier building with a Kwick copier shop. On this site he is believed to have robbed and murdered over 150 customers, thereby making him the number one serial killer in British history. Born on 16 October 1756, at number 85 Brick Lane, London, E1. Todd's mother was a silk-winder and his father a silk weaver, working for the French Huguenots in nearby Spitalfields. In 1770, aged only 14 years, Sweeney Todd was sentenced to a five year term in Newgate Prison for theft. While in prison he met up with an old barber named Plummer, who was serving ten years for embezzlement, he taught Sweeney how to cut hair and shave, and how to pick pockets of the customers, Sweeney was keen and soon became Plummer's apprentice lathering-up and shaving some of the prisoners who could afford their services. After his release in 1785, with a few pounds he had stolen at work in the goal, and the little knowledge of haircuts he gained, Sweeney Todd opened his Barber Shop at 186 Fleet Street, next door to St Dunstan's Church, just a few blocks away from the Royal Courts of Justice, and next to Chicken and Hen Court by the corner of Fetter Lane. Going west from Chancery Lane opposite the Temple Bar is Bell Yard, a narrow alleyway where Mrs Lovett a girl friend of Sweeney�s had her pie shop

Dang! That was the freakiest thing -- this door that was down there, under the sewer grill, and it opened up to a sewer tunnel

Dates from 1185. Has a bust to William Tyndale who preached here. John Donne was also rector here. And Izaac Walton (of fishing fame)

worshiped here. Samuel Pepys used the church as a place to pick up pretty serving-girls - but had little luck as his diary laments. The clock has two figures, of Gog and Magog who mark the time.

Just inside the doorway are old statues of King Lud and his two sons. Apparently Gog and Magog (how's that as the names of my progeny?) are 10-15 minutes late...we waited and I got impatient and was watching traffic when I hear dull gong and well, THAT'S IT!! How *very* anticlimactic....phooey

I loved how this building was squished up between 2 others...couldn't have been more than a few paces reminded me something out of Harry Potter y'know?

Until the 18th century there were eight such gates, of which only one survives; the others exist in name only (Cripplegate, Ludgate, Bishopsgate, Moorgate, and so on). The surviving one is Temple Bar Memorial, a bronze griffin on the Strand opposite the Royal Courts of Justice, at which the sovereign has to ask permission to enter the City from the Lord Mayor. (The original gate has been restored and returned further into the City, opposite St. Paul's Cathedral.)

Details...hahaha, in a moment of vanity, would love to see something like that with the words "Zaphod Stood Here"

I tried (with no luck) to get the griffin column to line up with the buikdings and get the griffin perched on the rood...but in a larger print, looks like a tear (no, not the kind you get while chopping onions but the paper rip ones) in the blue sky

Well, that was that but I was going to get
detergent to do laundry for the first time ( and I dont think the water taps to the machine are open becuase the clothes seem to be running around inside it but I dont see any water! The manual says I shouldn't expect (God I ramble!!) anyway so on the way home saw this random festival happeneing in a dead in....gotta love an area where stuff like this happens!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

So I saw this on the groggy froggy’s blog ( and thought it was kind of neat….the idea is you bold everything you have done..and there’s a lot I haven’t! humph.

· Taken a candlelit bath with someone

· Said 'I love you' and meant it

· Said 'I love you' and not meant it

· Hugged a treeI am sure I wasn’t in my senses at the time!!

· Done a striptease

· Had a moment with your best friend of the opposite sex…I’d like to think so (S chasing me in the club trying to put lip plumper on me…like I need it!)

· Bungee jumped

· Watched a lightning storm at sea

· Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise. …sober: yes drunk: no

· Gone to a huge sports gamefootball game at U** baby! 60,000 fans!
Slept under the stars
...done several camping trips

· Changed a baby's diaper

· Taken a trip in a hot air balloon

· Gotten drunk on champagne…on champagne, no! odd…

· Given more than you can afford to charity

· Looked up at the night sky through a telescope…astronomy class at U**
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment. on memory…when the history teacher in class X made us all kneel in the lawn outside the Circular Block with our hands in the air…oh come on woman, grow up

· Bet on a winning horse

· Taken a sick day when you're not ill…the day after she broke my heart and left

· Asked out a stranger…I mean she wasn’t a stranger…I got to know her but yes in a way

· Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier

· Screamed as loudly as you possibly can…concerts baby!!

· Taken a midnight skinny dip

· Taken an ice cold bath…not out of choice tho!

· Ridden a roller coaster…Superman, ride of steel!

· Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking

· Adopted an accent for an entire day…not for a whole day but stretches of Sven from The Archies and Pepe Le Pew

· Visited the birthplace of your ancestors…and seen the family home

· Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment

· Loved your job for all accounts.

· Taken care of someone who was shit faced…A, N, S, you ladies owe me big time!

· Had enough money to be truly satisfied…right here, right now, touch wood

· Had amazing friends

· Stolen a sign…AS and I were ‘cone’ heads

· Taken a road-trip

· Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love

· Milked a cow…actually have…surprised?

· Sung karaoke

· Lounged around in bed all day.

· Played in the rain

· Done something you should regret, but don't regret it

· Fallen in love and not had your heart broken

· Gotten married

· Been in a movie

· Crashed a party

· Loved someone you shouldn't have…AS who in retrospect, wasn’t healthy for me

· Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy.

· Made cookies from scratch

· Gotten a tattoo

· Got flowers for no reason

· Got so drunk you don't remember anythinglast time was 23rd birthday

· Been addicted to some form of illegal drug

· Performed on stage

· Eaten shark.

· Had a one-night stand.

· Been on a cruise ship.

· Spoken more than one language fluently.

· Followed your favorite band/singer on tour

· Picked up and moved to another city to just start over to be with the one you love.

· Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking.

· Had plastic surgery

· Broken someone's heart

· Been fired or laid off from a job

· Broken a bone

· Killed a human being

· Ridden a motorcycle

· Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100kph

· Eaten sushi

· Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime

· Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about

· Gotten someone fired for their actions.

· Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them

· Been a DJ

· Felt like you wanted to be anyone but you

· Been thankful that you are you

· Smoked a cigarette

· Crashed a friend's car bike

· Been in love

· Been dumped

· Snuck out of your parent's house

· Been arrested… well, close to it a few times

· Gone on a blind date

· Flown a kite

· Built a sand castle

· Played dress up

· Cheated while playing a game

· Been lonely

· Fallen asleep at work/school

· Been robbed

· Been misunderstood

· Run a red light

· Liked the way you look

· Questioned your heart

· Been obsessed with post-it notes

· Felt like dying

· Cried yourself to sleep

· Played cops and robbers

· Made prank phone calls…hehehe, used to conference in 2 random number…that

was a blast when I was a kid

· Written a letter to Santa Claus

· Sung in the shower

· Had a dream that you married someone

· Sat on a roof top

· Talked on the phone for more than 4 hours

· Believe in ghosts

· Jumped into a pool/hot tub/lake with all your clothes on

· Laughed so hard you cried

· Laughed so hard you peed

· Have had a fantasy over someone you love as a good friend

· Studied ballet

· Been able to live without your mobile phone for a day in your normal life