Monday, August 21, 2006

Grabbing the Wheel

“so, how was the weekend”

“Not bad, so you relieved your folks are leaving?”


“So what did you do over the weekend”

“Oh nothing much”

“You must have done something”

“Oh, just hung out”

Im into emotional masochism aren’t i?

I knew she was hiding the fact that she was meeting him, I knew that on Friday when she got riled up at me for even asking what she was planning.

Ugh, and I have all these mental images of her hooking up with her faceless guy and at this point I hope they both burn in hell as will i

Anyway, I have a brief outline of what I want to do with myself this year, I have all these imaginings of interactions with certain people and how I want them to go and unto that end will work on self, with the hopes that I do improve myself albeit for the wrong reasons.

But heck, ends justify the reasons and my reasons for improvement aren’t all that noble.

But I know:

1) how I want to look i.e. need to get my ass in shape and the rest of me as well…no, just kidding but heck, my belt is at a notch hereunto unknown (as in I can hitch it tighter) and I am happy about that. Also I completely love the way I feel when I have been working out. I really feel more confident and I don’t know why I do because I know it is a process that takes time but even then first step makes me feel great

Eureka! This is why I write. I think its two fold (feeling great that is). One is that I know I can look (a leeeetle) better if I lose a few (read several) pounds but more importantly, I feel like I am in control; that I want something and I am working toward it and that’s one thing the universe can’t fuck up (unless a truck runs me over to a squelching noise)

I think when it comes to certain things, I have complete control. And to that end, am going to work on everything that I have control over just to piss of the universe and say hah! Can’t take that away now can you you big gaping star-decked hole…

2) I want to make sure I have followed through with at least one hobby and in this case there are 4 things I know I want to pick up i.e. cooking, photography, the guitar and yoga. I think the last two may be easier since I have already looked up yoga classes (agree with AB that I don’t want anything too meditative, last thing I want is to fall asleep on the yoga mat). I have also looked up geeeetaaar classes and they aren’t too expensive ($35-40 per hour, once a week, individual lessons). And with me, when I really want to know something, I know I pick it up fast so well, this should be good.

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