Wednesday, August 09, 2006


Have you ever had the feeling of something, or someone, yourself, another you trapped inside. I don’t know where I picked up the imagery from.

I guess, given my current state of being, I would have to harp once again on the same topic of being in like with someone and the two me’s that exist at that point of time – there is the one that’s the me everyone on the outside sees. The quiet guy. The nice guy. And that’s the one that tries to rule most of the time. I guess that would be the rational, head-minded me. (does that make sense? No, join the club)

Then there’s the one that likes another person and just wants to pour himself out and listen to his own voice saying everything he wants to and in doing so, expending some of the built up pressure. Initially this guy is caged up. Look, I cant have a l***-ridden-wild-man walking about, he will cost me a friend at the very least. He has in the past. So he needs to be caged up and the head-minded me needs to be in control.

But sometimes the two begin a conversation and most of the time, the head wins. I mean he makes rational arguments and that just keeps the cage strong or keeps the wild-man weak.

But then what? And up till when? What happens as the wild guy gets claustrophobic and increasing frustrated?

Again, there are two things that can happen. He can be made to suffocate by the head and in doing so die without anyone being the wise. But in doing so, a piece of the mind-ruled guy dies.

You see, they are one and the same.

The other thing that could happen is he busts out and you (that being me) can hear the most wretched sound possible. It’s the sound of a crazy lunatic running towards a cliff knowing that he is going to fall.

And again, he will take the head-ruled guy with him.

You see, they are one and the same.

But here’s why that crazy guy exists. He is the only one who takes risks, the only one who can take them both to levels of happiness unknown. Its only when you l*** so passionately and insanely (and it is insanity. I mean to tell someone you like them and have faith to some small degree, albeit having no basis in fact, now that is insanity).

Its only when the wild guy is on the loose does the head-minded guy feel alive and lets go of the leash.

Its just agonizing to put the head-sided guy back together when the madman drives them over the cliff to smash into hundreds of tiny pieces.

But I think we are waiting for our wings. Even if its for a small while…

Meh…I wax bullshit

But I’m in on of those moods where I feel like falling to my knees under starlit sky and screaming the most earth-shattering scream I can, one that leaves me crumpled and exhausted on the wet earth, weary but happy to have gotten that pent-up emotion out.

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