Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Love, Life and Loathing in London

So I broke down…again and I called the Ex

Yes NM, I have no self respect any more and I feel like shit. No seriously, here’s what’s going on in my head and heart:

Heart: why doesn’t she love me any more, I loved her so much and she didn’t love me back. Is it me? Did she find him more attractive? Does he make her feel better than I ever did? What about all those times we lay in bed, arms around each other, her promises of never letting go nor letting me fall? Is it me? Am I not worthy?

Head: Dude, what he fuck? So you have dated more girls than she knows of, heck, she doesn’t know of any of them. She wants to get married and you don’t want to for another five years, you knew she wouldn’t wait. And you know you have met other girls who you have been so much more compatible with. Look, if anything, let me speak your language since you seem insistent on believing in signs and that the universe is, of all things, trying to talk to you. You want a sign? This is a sign for you to get your act together, be selfish and be everything you want i.e. get in shape, meet more people, have fun, date around without it getting serious. Come on for the love of god stop being a pansy and wisen up. You knew a very very long time ago that the world wasn’t fair. You knew that you just didn’t want to accept it right? Chicken.

So anyway, you heard her, do whatever it takes – so fine, do whatever it takes mean, you know it wont be that hard to do …look, you know what has to be done. Can you please let me do this one? Last time I let you run and do your thing, you got us fucked up and fucked over. So, go sleep for a while, I will call when I think we are ready.


Besides, you remember what you heard and wrote – take one day at a time? So that is what we will do.

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