I have this bad habit of sitting and imagining every scenario possible. Okay, I'm lying. I used to. I used to think about every situation I was confronted with and lie in bed, trying to fall asleep deciding how I would react and if I said this then that would happen yadda yadda yadda. It's kind of hard to run through it going if A happens, then B may or C may happen and if they happen, yeah you can run through the alphabet and get no where.
And you know what, you are still apt to be caught with your pants down (and stop it you pervs)
Maybe there isn't any way to prepare for anything. All you can do is throw your head in the air, stick your chest out (ladies, please, join in!) and leap in the deep end. Yeah, you always run the risk of drowning. But see, there is always a sure-fire solution -- don't step in the pool, don't say hello to the cute stranger, don't answer the phone, heck don't leave the house. And I guess everything that follows the plunge is life. And I wouldn't want to be the one who dies and realizes toward the end he should have jumped in, should have called the girl or should have danced that dance.
You can get burned over and over and over again. You can feel completely wretched and promise yourself never to do it again, to never take a chance and to make sure your protect yourself. But somehow being smothered in pillows to save your touchy from that hard landing, somehow, while taking care of that you seem to forget that the fun part, isn't the landing, but the jump (yeah, am alluding to sky diving which I have decided must be done in the next 13 months) (tangent: odd how i asked that everyone hope the flight goes fine, just tow weeks back and now I am talking about jumping out of one)
But yeah, what I was saying is that you can be terrified of many things you come across. But here's the thing, there are enough things in life that are hard to come by. Is choosing not to jump in, prudence or stupidity?
I know there have been a few times where I chose the stupid but safe option. Heck, I was longer with the Ex than i think, in hindsight, I should have been. But it felt safe. In any case, I think it was one of the better things that happened to me this year (and thankfully, while I was too scared to jump out, I was pushed out but I was also given a parachute, I just didn't know it).
I don't know how things will turn out. But I do know that they will in a way that i can't predict nor prepare for. But at least I know this: I will have fun on the way down and even if I get knocked about, won't squish when i hit the ground.
Remember, just tuck your knees in and roll...the rest, isn't really up to you...its weird but i can live a life I call my own but seemingly, a lot of the pivoting moments, have just happened without me knowing or realizing at the time...fucking A, bring it on, I'm right here!