Friday, October 06, 2006


Look, Universe, babe, I love you but come on! You can't keeppoking and laughing at me.

Okay so I spent a little time with a ciggie, wine, jazz and the laptop to write what I just did...and its ironic that the following occurred in quick succession and referred both to the central yet understated point I was making -- the fear of being alone:

1. Simmi replied to a comment saying " ZAPHOD, it makes perfect sense.
it boils down to the big existential issue of lonelyness and damnation or fear...we are all in the dark about that, but better"

2. I am in bed, bored and watching Sex In The City (do not judge lest ye be judged!), I just unpaused the episode to see Miranda yell 'Oh my god! I'm going to die alone'
I guess this fear isn't just mine but is all over the place?! Yeesh

So, YOU, that big thing up there, all black with those stupid twinkly lights called stars, STOP MOCKING ME

(slide under the covers in a huff)
(muffled voice)
go away, there's no one home


Arthur Quiller Couch said...

Live with it.

Madame Mahima said...

I guess this fear isn't just mine but is all over the place?!
oh you got that right, buddy. no one wants to be alone but it's a state u HAVE to be in to appreciate the times when you're not alone.

first time here..nice place u got :)

Zaphod said...

Couch: I am...but that doesnt mean i wont bitch, shout or complain...but i will live with it

MM: (gloom) oh fine...besides, I keep saying that anyway, well, dekhte hein....

Anonymous said...

im honored to be quoted.

Ur x seems to be doing the 'right' thing to evade loneliness, by signing a contract ensuring that she wont be alone...if it only were that simple...but a loveless relationship is lonelyer than the existensial angst of's an ensealed crypt. To be bound to one and other goes beyond a be with someone without love is barren, frigid, a contradiction in terms.
You on the other hand need to make up your mind about wanting love (her) or not.
...if not, all I can say is a broken heart is hard to heal, though if you are making the right choice it will heal....

Carpe Diem


Zaphod said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Zaphod said...

Hmm, well the x you mentioned isn't of much consequence but I fin myself applying what you said to the Ex. She broke up with me because she is 25 and I am 23. She wants to get married at 26 and have ababy at 28...that's too soon for me and I couldnt commit. Now she is dating someone who is currently 27 and within a month of meeting her told her she was the kind of girl he wants to marry. I would like to believe she is with him because he can give her what I wasn't able to. I just hope she loves him at least as much as she did me else she will have to live with the regret...
But anyway, am going to soldier on, and live weekend to weekend!
Oh and say hi to your son...he seems like a fun person!

basho said...

Call me crazy but I LIKE that feeling of being alone. :-)

simmi said...

she sounds alot like me! I also knew that 27-28 was last call for me.

I went ahead and had my son, and he is fun, but naughty as hell and terribly possesive of me...sounds like most men, eh?

I have no regrets, but i am lucky to have brilliant support from my parents...though it is still hard being single.

If she really loved you, she will regret...if it was really love and my man had to ask me to wait...I might have...but hey, know it's you against nature, the poor girls clock is, there's really no one to blame.

Zaphod said...

well, I know the Ex and I really loved each other but we weren't right for each other...we grew up far apart and hence, grew apart...we were dating as kids and grew up to be grown ups who didnt know each other any more...while I am a bastard for hoping she regrets it, I will feel worse realizeing that this was something both people regretted and yet it was irrevocable...and yeah, if its me vs. Nature, I aint got a snowballs chance in hell

hedonistic hobo said...

hobo learnt how to wrap dildos today. essential urban survival skills. on the upside no one mistook me to be a lesbian.

and stop all this talk about exes please! let's focus on me. i feel inept compared to freaking tall and lissome blonde women. thank god they're a dying race! lol....

couch: of course he'll lve with it. we all do. it's called having a phoenix heart baby, a thousand crash and burns etched into history!

now to get to practising what i preach, if saying was believing eh?

Jill said...

I find that a coloring book and crayons helps awfully during the alone-ish times.

Zaphod said...

Thanks Jill, will give it a shot (while heading to the gym after playing the guitar flirting with Bobo's friends and picking up wine and illicit stuff, all in an attempt to get out of the funk!)