So while I have been working out (450 calories in 30 minutes baby! Not to mention decent dinner, and no, I don't mean pizza) I have been watching the Matrix Trilogy.
Now yes Kurosawa made brilliant movies as did Woody Allen but this movie has its finer points. I guess I appreciated how philosophical themes are when one of my final philosophy papers was on the Analogy of the Cave and the Matrix.
Point being, in the second one Neo ( yes yes girlies, have your tiny orgasms over him but there's no denying he is capable of only two emotions: being pissed off and confused) is talking to a Counsel member who takes him into the bowels of Zion. He shows him a machine that recycles the water. He says that he doesn't know *how* it does what it does but its essential it do it correctly. But he wants to; there is so much to know, so many 'why's'. And I'm thinking that sometimes it isn't enough to know that it does work, but how it works and why it works the way it is meant to. If you don't, then how do you know its broken?
Which why I figure I think so much. Not that that gets me any closer to knowing why, but now I know why I want to know
Neo meets the Merovingian who points out this blonde eating dessert. I love the analogy that is causes her pleasure because fact of the matter is sweets to release endorphins and make us feel good. But that's another thread. In the movie, it's to an extreme. The Merovingian says she wants to initially know what's causing it but soon the why or what doesn't matter, the is does.
A human says he wants to know why, a machine or pure logic says that that doesn't matter.
I try and and be logical and say I don't ask why. But who am I kidding, I will ask why until the day I die. But I don't think I have the answer as to why asking why makes us human. Does it? Anyway, moving on.
Rita Hayworth once complained "Men go to bed with Gilda, but they wake up with me."
Sometimes I get that feeling. I have been sitting on the fence about a few things. One was pointing out certain things knowing they are read. And like I said before with the Heisenberg, if you observe something, you change it and I don't want to. But initially this blog was to help me get these thoughts out of my head and keep them and revisit them when I wanted to.
Anyway, I think my biggest...worry(?) is that I was a character out of a book and then I came along in person and became a movie. And movies are never as good as the book. Movies fill in all the blanks that you had in your head.
It'll be a pity if the biographer was less interesting than the subject.
The logic kicks in and says what is to be will be and what will, will. When it comes to other people, you can't change them and you can't change yourself for them if you think you are fine the way you are.
Sure, will work out and will be open and honest, but beyond that, don't think I can create anything out of thing air.
Yeah, I do like her, but I do get scared of knowing I like someone and putting some small part of 'it' on the line. I'm scared I won't be sure of anyone to trust them to come close enough to hurt me and know they won't. I guess you never know, you just hope.
And I am also trying to find out the why of my feelings right now. Perhaps when I trust some more, will write them and make them real.
Perhaps the book will always be more interesting than reality.
C'est la vie, n'est pas?
So, I was reading this book which is very self-helpsy and it suggested sitting alone in a room for 10 minutes. No, no music, no TV else it becomes music-time or TV-time. And I mean nothing. I wonder if I can do it. It will be interesting as an experiment and I am curious to see where my mind wanders. I think it has too much direction. Will try it when I am less exhausted.