Saturday, January 27, 2007

It Seems Easier To Say Fuck This Shit...But...

"She has too many hang ups. So not only do you have to deal with your insecurities but you have to deal with:
1. Her mental bar is an ex of 5 years and a best friend who has loved her for 6
2. You are here, she is there
3. You don't speak the same emotional language (?)
4. She may just be too inflexible for you
5. She doesn't trust you

You have your own:
1. Her mental bar is an ex of 5 years and a best friend who has loved her for 6
2. You are here, she is there.
3. She may just be too inflexible for you and you will get affected that she is a lot more tolerant of M (best friend)
4. You definitely have trust issues.

So then why the fuck don't you just leave? Or just go have a fling. At least that way you can have something to do on the weekends.
Course I could do that, but do I want to do that? Not really, not any more.

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands in the air and saying fuck this, why the hell do I have deal with someone elses drama? Or fuck this, if she wants a wrecking ball in her hand then so be it. Let her swing, god knows you have done it before. And you know will scram before the ball hits. Besides, she only wants someone like her ex/best friend and you want someone who is willing to see you for you. So then leave! You sit there typing all this, having the mental image of yourself in this rant and yet you just fucking sit there!

Why don't you just go ahead and say fuck this, and just move along. It's not that hard. You aren't dating. There are others, you know that. Why pick on someone who has their own deep issues?
There's but one reason you are still around.

Yes (rather shamefaced, is it possible to be the guilty kid and scolding elder in the same body?)
And if it not for that one reason, you (my head) would be in complete control. But see, there have been so few who are mucked up enough to understand you, that you perhaps don't want to leave. True that.

But honestly, all I want to tell her is girl, you have too many hangups. You seem intent on beating me off and driving me away. If that's what you want, then just tell me to leave. Don't string me along. That's happened to me too much.
Little girl, why don't you just take a chance. You know that no matter who you end up with, it will always need you to take a chance in the beginning. I can't show you I am worth it. I think I am. :o)
But see, you certainly seemed worth opening up to.
Hang up your issues and just let me take care of things. Let me in your world won't you. I'm at the door, you seem to be the one who won't open up. And yeah, I will sit on the steps and wait. But eventually you get tired and feel stupid waiting out there (albeit after a fair amount of time) and you wonder if that door will ever open.
Give in to me. I know I'm so many different things. I've been the grown up who has taken care of a million things for other people, the 16 year old idiot who makes obscene jokes, the thinker who gets lost in his head, the emotional sap who feels bad when you do, the sociable flirty guy and the lost one in a crowd of friends.
But to see all that, you have got to want to. And sometimes you seem as though you don't want to. You seem to hold your relationship with M so high above everything else that even the potential seems to lose meaning. Come back down to the place where you tripped over me. You were reading a book. And I am real. And while I may not be the one who is supposed to get up with you, I just could be but you have to keep your nose out of that book long enough to get to know me. Have a seat, leave your issues out my door and come in. Instead of comparing everything inside to what you already know, see things with a new light, let them be what they are for themselves, not in relation to M/N

Yeah, I have my bad side. But I think I may just along with you really well. I may push you out the door or I may make a permanent place for you. But most of that depends on you.

I'm in your life for a reason. It's up to you what that reason is.

Goodnight little girl. I hope you wake up a little more open to something new and a little less forgetful of the known.

Zaphod admits he is too lazy and has no time to cook which is why he is engaging Kanta Bhen (Bain to be Gujju) to cook him good Gujju veggie meals for the week which works out to about $60 a meal which is good. He also admits that he is loathe to fold laundry and has outsourced that job to an Indian family.

Anyway, my point is, and I just want to say that...for just a little while, leave your hang ups and get to know me before you start thinking so furiously and setting those cogs spinning. You seem to be asking questions that are asked after months of knowing and getting comfortable with someone. You seem to make this so much heavier than it is, I'm not asking you to stop thinking. I'm just asking you to take a deep breath, and just be.
You have so much going on in your head with M and with your friends and you are furiously thinking and its natural that that mental frame of thinking so much carries over. But you can't over think this one. You ask how I can be so easy with it. I'm not. I over think it too. But I also realize that while I can think it over and over, I can't force it from your end or mine. This shouldn't be a herculean effort with anyone. Just...sit back, talk, and be in your head while talking to me, not in the back where you are asking such huge questions, questions that you may just be asking too soon.
Come and sit with me little girl and let me hold your hand and let me just talk and listen to you. It's not that hard. Really.
And honestly, for all you know I may be the guy who smoothens out the furrows on your brow, who drives with you all night long talking about people and life, and despite his corny jokes makes you laugh (at him)
Or I could be a great guy who just doesn't fit well with you
But at least take the time to find out.

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