Friday, January 26, 2007

Beginning of a long post...

It's been quite the week...existentially, ecumenically, gramatically.
Putting in 80 odd hours makes you a but nutsy no?

But as always, will go backward since the new incidents are fresher and less taxing on my already tired head.

I spoke...had a heated discussion all of two minutes with the Ex. And here's why:
S: he isnt cute
im wondering if i should be honest
Z: what, neither am ?
S: at the risk of you getting unnecessarily worked up
Z: neither am i?
may as well
hurry, got meeting anytime now
S: no..he's fun..and i may have a teeny tiny crush on him


S: look, i wish you could ask (S's ex) about the number of times i've had meaningless crushes that i never did anything about
but i figured it was better to be honest
I AM i'm the anti (Ex)..really

I blame the Ex for trust issues. With the Ex and M, she told me he liked her. And i rubbed it off because i trusted her completely. Of course, i did sit up when she told me that after knowing her three months, he said she was the kind of girl he wanted to marry. Um, hello?
She told me about New Boy liking her...and I was so very hesitant. It had taken many many months and repeated times her telling me she wanted to be with me for me to trust her. But the thing with me is if I love someone, I guess I just trust easier than what's good for me. So I went back to her. Of course, today, I asked her why, apart from breaking my heart, lied to me.
She said, and this was her defense (hah!) , that it was her way of convincing herself nothing would happen and that she was scared something would and to make her feel otherwise, she said (to me) nothing would happen.
Right, girl, if something has to happen and does, then why the fuck are you stringing me along. Your telling me nothing will happen means nothing will happen. That's all there is to it.

But see, the problem be continued. I've had 24 hours sleep in this week and I'm dying. Besides, I need to think and um, brace myself for the inevitable.


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