Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Hang On! You Got Something To Say!

Right, so I seem to have forgotten my own advice. But then again, I’ve said it once and I will say it again, that’s the hardest to take.

Now here’s the thing, if I were writing this as a public, un-anonymous blog, it would have been edited. But I want(ed) to remain hidden because well, some of the things I say are embarrassing and very self help. I will now proceed to elucidate

Last night I hit the brakes and stopped myself from doing several things I shouldn’t/haven’t/couldn’t/musn’t do. Trying to hard. I tend to be myopic. I always have been neveryoumind that I really am. But if something has hurt, I have belabored over it. Same way, if I do like something, I try and jump into it and muck about in it but in doing so, perhaps I am trying too hard. Now, if something bothers me for instance, the Ex, then I remember evening out my thoughts and reaching flatline. I focused on something else. It was easy to know why I was doing that – to not think about the pain. Now, if something good comes along, I have a bad habit of wanting it irrationally. Now now, I’m not taking away from anything or anyone nor am I forcing un-feelings. But I will need to be a little bit more sensible about this.

I was thinking in the elevator up from a ciggie break and well, what has to happen will happen. That doesn’t mean you sit with your thumb up your ass. You do things now and then to get you there. But that’s work and everything else in life. If its to do with some specific person, or the Faceless One as I call her, the trying part, it kills it and leaves a bitter after taste. So, I know I don’t make sense best b’loved but I do to me. In a weird kind of way, I am nodding to myself. Which is fine. So the deal is, I need to remind myself what has to happen will happen and I can’t cajole anyone, least of all myself into anything. No matter what I do. So then why do it. Besides, I know have my own stock of lines and I can be charming, highbow, the goofball, the fun-guy, whatever if I wanted just one thing. But heck, I want to be me and be fine with that. Because eventually, I can’t be anyone but me. So I may as well find someone who wants to know that me.

Yes well Zaphod, you have impeccable logic
Why thank you Sir.
No, thank you
You’re too kind
(big grin)


hedonistic hobo said...

what's going on with you? been a long time since we spoke eh. i thought the ex was history. i mean moping over the ex. maybe it's not moping but she's still on your mind. so anyway cheer up and let the sun shine in.

Zaphod said...

I'm not moping over the fact not moping at all...have my curiosity picked by Not-So-Glaring-Omission-Any-More and it isn't intense enough at the moment to scare me am enjoying it... plus she's hot.
(Did I embarrass you yet kid?!)