Friday, January 26, 2007

It's Called Bracing Yourself

Why are you allowing yourself to be open in the moment you are talking to her? What are you thinking? Do you think this can actually pan out? Fine, you met someone who felt so much in common with and wanted top open up to but does that mean it will work? What are you basing this on? You think that because you feel this way, so must the other person? Or what is it with you? How on earth do you allow yourself to be that on the phone talking? What are you doing allowing yourself top open up to this? Why can't you be selectively attached in conversations or in moments you know it will be reciprocated? What do you lift the lid off and let this person in? Don't you remember the last time? Don't you remember a few months ago how you felt? Then why set yourself up for disappointment? You seem to unlearn everything you did. Why something as improbable as this? Why not just take person to person and just move? Why this fixation or this ...fine, it feels nice talking and being open enough to talk about everything but come on! Really?

That takes about 3 seconds of thought.

"I really don't know if this will work...and I'm not saying no, but just I really don't know."
"I know but like i said time and again, there's only so much you can when it comes to another person. You can be honest and open and be you."
"Yes, but I really don't know"

And then my head kicks in as a defense mechanism. It's called bracing yourself for what you need to believe the inevitable. And of course, killing the h(a)opeless romantic.

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