(fold arms and look around wondering where to begin)
Suppose no use dilly-dallying now and may as well jump into it. Hard part is, first steps. And what’s worse, I am torn between the desire to be open here in this space of mine and talk about whatever I want but the need to filter out given certain people mentioned do read this blog. Also, right now the need to spill is greater than the need to delve so consider this just a flavor of everything that has happened.
Now the thing with memory is that everything recent tends to come to the foreground naturally but happier things must be mentioned first.
FF0. So yes, I met her. And I hung out with her. And I like her. This is the part that had I been a 17 year old girl, would have gone red in the face and all shy. Instead, I am part amused, part confused and rather taken by surprise albeit in a nice way.
Bombay was new to be and well, I met her in a garden overlooking the ocean and Hajji Ali. I will confess, I was a bit tongue tied, despite her claims she looks better in pictures, FF0, you are adorable in person. And it was that pleasant first date feeling without the awkward pauses, I knew what I wanted to talk to her about though we did somehow talk about men and their weewee’s as you put it and the innate desire in a man to show off his weewee…that was your argument for the innumerable guys taking a piss on the shoreline (my question was what happens if you pee with the wind blowing against you).
Anyway, I must confess, am a bit taken in with FF0.
Yes, well, ahem, moving along then yes?
Aw hells kiddo, I know you want to read more about you but at the same time I wouldn’t know where to begin. I was/have been trying to articulate the reasons to like you or anyone i have in the past and it has always been a few events here and there where the reasons are sublime and somehow condensing them takes away.
For instance, New Years, she was out of it. Part the reason to party and part because she was drinking my drinks. Given im rather uh, large and have the capacity of a tanker does not bode well for someone who was giggling on her bathroom floor after half a bottle of wine (it took three and a half for me to get drunk, bottles, not halves). But she wouldn't let me help which while annoying made me see someone who wanted to be their own person, a far cry from clinginess I have seen in past relationship(s).
Post complete inebriatedness (is that a word?) she walked past briskly in her own callipigyian way and I saw her walk out, drowning in a huge blanket to make sure her friend, Whirlwind, was comfortable in the living room. Apart from the fact she looked adorable under the huge blanket, made me feel, for the lack of a more masculine word, fuzzy.
Or a long drive back to Bombay, just talking about everything under the sun (okay, music to be faithful to the exact truth but somehow that covers the gambit).
I don't know why but I know I do. Isn't this one of this rare situations where the reasons are the reasons but there is something more. Pebbles, thanks for taking your nose out of your book and tripping over me.
The official party line is I am single. And so be it. I think we are both jaded from past relationships and more so from long-distance ones. Right now, she is sitting on the fence, and well, hope that she falls on my side of the grass. It is greener, or so I would love to believe. I am trying hard to avoid making myself out in a better light, of pointing the absence of crab grass (no jokes on the pun you pervs) but I am the harmless sort. And I do...its like the song, take a chance on the *boy* who will let you. Anyway, be it not my place to paint a picture for anyone or convince them of something that may or may not make them happy. I am happy now, yes, I could be happier but time will tell. In the mean time dear reader, hope for a less angsty ending...or beginning. But then I have decided not to go ahead of myself and run away with my thoughts. We have all seen how that ends for this narrator.
But I will admit, i love talking to her. Not every conversation is meaningful or deep, but still, it's...I love slipping into it.
And in any event, no matter what, thanks kiddo, I had a great time and Bombay will always be a bit special for me, from Liberty cinema or running to the other one because we were in the wrong place, Olive, Prive, The Intercontinental (did I mention you looked very nice that night?). And forgive the corny one-liners I seem to have an endless supply of.
I see the baggage, I see you trying to understand if anyone can know you like your best friend can, the implicit comparison with previous relationship(s), wondering if I will hurt you. So far I have promised not to lie and not to hurt you and even though you have not asked, I promise not to get exasperated enough to whack you (even though you cut me off and when run out of something sensible to say, start singing), but for what its worth kiddo, I like the onioness and I want to know more.
You said there were two things you liked thusfar about little old me, my unwillingness to judge right away and that I was curious. Well, I'm here, and I'm curious and if that's okay with you for the time being, lets live with that and see what happens...I don't think anyone has the answers and while it is a pithy comment, time will tell.
Hobo - send me your number, I want to call, lots to catch up on
Confessor - thanks, I had a blast in Delhi!
Now, incidentally, there is something that got me foaming at the mouth and no, it wasn't a neurotic fit though may has well have been. say there's someone i just met recently and being drunk, said stupid things that in and of themselves were out of context. now, suppose that person who has a big mouth decides to repeat what i said to someone i like and am getting to know, dont. odd's are, i have a lot of 'goss' about you and just out of politeness and basic respect, have not opened my own mouth. perhaps a year ago when i was still vindictive, i would have been liable to let some of these stories slip to you own interest. just be thankful i have decided to be grown up and not mention any of the gossip my former roommates may have let on. so, when it comes to everything else under the sun, what was and ever will be, go ahead, talk and chew the fat all you like. When it comes to me....don't. ever. do. it.
theres a simple reason why. with every single person i meet, i can be whoever i want. there is a more personal side i reveal to extremely few people. so when you do say something that may be taken out of context, it makes me sound like someone i would never want to be. if i want ass...never mind, i could have been very caustic here but i choose not to and to let it go.
i guess when i like someone, i never want them to think i want to get in their pants or have a quick lay. i think i have grown out of that. so when someone who thinks they know me, is presumptuous enough to characterize me like that, it gets me very incensed. so, word to the world, shut up, you dont know the first thing about me.
right, i think i will leave this topic because i know it gets me worked up. and honestly, this i think may be a case of the pot calling the kettle.
so, to end the matter, fuck off.