I'm tired...but happy. After a long long time, I felt great after pushing myself at the gym (500 cals in 30 minutes non-stop...placemark here to remind myself to better that).
Anyway, for once, I wasn't in a hurry to walk home. And it was nice. I strolled back. Its cold in this City. And the streets are fresh from the rain. Cars driving past make that pleasurable noise, the tiny whooshing of the water displaced, hitting the tarmac. I walk past the neighborhood park and its twilight. I can't see past the bushes into the inky darkness but it's there.
I see the jogger, headphones jacked in, perhaps thinking about the week past, his family, or perhaps just running to run far.
I see the blonde on the phone, outside perhaps her building smoking, curls not quite hanging but not disappearing....fly away on my zephyr...
I put my drink down to change the song and see a dog at the end of a leash stretching toward me.
I want to go back to my place, not get there in a hurry...just walk back, smoke a cigarette, not worry about tomorrow. ...in this perfect weather, we'll find this place together
I miss her and want to talk to her. I want to tell her all this but it isn't a conversation you can faithfully relay. It's something best saved for me now, in my warm bed with cold air curling in through the window, hidden in a pile of cushions, feeling tired, but happy.
I miss her face, and the way it looks as I talk, small changes here as a relevant though occurs to her put she puts her tongue in check, patiently waiting for me to finish.
...these smiling eyes are just a mirror for...
I stand under the shower, feeling the hot water spatter against my back, remembering the rain outside, reaching down to turn the water cold. I hear the music in my head, mixed with the sound of puddles under rubber, ...now let us drink the stars...
I can feel it wash over me, and I can feel myself dissolve.
I'm happy. I miss her. I miss her and I am happy knowing feelings are still alive. I remove myself from the absence tinged day, just knowing that in feeling sad, they are there, for better or for worse, that doesn't matter this moment. They just are and you know what, that's just fine.
It feels good, to just be. For better or for worse, it is. And that's just fine right now
1 comment:
that was beautiful. i so wish that you could translate all that you write on this blog into who you are around me. i guess the time isn't right just yet; but i will wait until it is.
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