I have come to a conclusion that everything in life is brief spurts. I have said that growing up consists of a series of small pinpointable events that make you grow up, first heartbreak, first time you realize your folks are wrong, first mistake you can blame no one for but yourself.
I think with me, I can pinpoint the singularities where walls were put up. For instance, the first time my mother said she was disappointed, the first time the Ex cheated on me...this brings me to the moment where the last wall was put up.
Ex: M likes me
Me: So should I be worried
Ex: No, nothing will happen
(and this was the second time she cheated on me)
Ex: B likes me
Ex: and no, before you can ask, nothing will happen
We break up and 3 mos later she is dating him
Me: Why did you say nothing would happen. I had to trust you to be with you and the fact that I l**** you made me force down all my walls a lot sooner than what would have been normal.
Ex: It was my way of saying it to myself so that nothing would
Me: Then why string me along?
It was then I realized that no matter how much you trust someone, they may turn around you and get you with your back turned to them.
It also made me realize that if something has to happen, it will. Nothing you can ever do will stop it