Friday, February 02, 2007

24 eh?

(deep breath)
Right. Been a bit eh? No, I don’t mean time wise, just going on’s wise. I don’t like the idea of linear time. It isn’t…appropriate, it’s disproportionate. I mean at 21 I felt a lot older than well, 21. And anyway, Zaphod turned 24 on the 1st. And I remember as a kid of 17, I decided that’s the age I grow up. No more one liners that make the Squirt roll her eyes so to speak or drinking binges or stupidity.
Fuck that eh? I’m going to be an idiot for the rest of my life and still be full of witty one liners at 40 (yes, yes I can think of a few eye brows arcing at my liberal use of the word ‘witty’ but I was voted Mr. Witty in class 9 and got a certificate to prove it)

But um, yeah so, (look around, kick a can on the ground) 24. Don’t feel different. (think) nope, no brilliant flashes of inspiration. So what’s this growing up deal about?
Yeah, problems do change, at 17 what to buy the Ex, at 24, what makes me happy and time to act on it.
It’s not linear time that makes you older and wiser. The wiser you get, the older you get. The more you let yourself get knocked around, voluntarily or involuntarily, the more you grow up. The more you put it on the line, the more you know. The more you throw yourself into different experiences, the more you touch, see, smell, feel and feel so much, the more lines get drawn. Wouldn’t want to be a blank page at the end of my life.
Da Vinci used to draw furiously on the same page over and over until it became one black lead lines mess where well, you couldn’t see anything. But because he made the lines, he saw his final work in them. I like that. You can either play it safe and keep another mark off the paper, but then again, that mark could be the defining line. And in the end you want to look at the sheet and smile and see so many things in it. A beautiful mess no? There are so many people I know who have such sheltered lives. They don’t leave any place because it’s all they know. Fuck traveling, just thinking and taking chances. Its safe, its warm, its boring. Its like drawing with a stencil.
But yes, I think while I see what the drawing is, I would like someone who lets me show them what I see, someone who can see part the superfluous lines to the work that it is shaping up to be.
Fuck, I sound like a DIY project. But then again, it is my life.

I tend to go a step further. Not only do I let the line be drawn but have to figure out why it is the way it is, how it changes everything and nothing at all and would the final piece be what it is without that line?

You drink too much bourbon and coke. The next day between jackhammers in your head and cotton mouth, you still smell it in the coke. But it does go. I have had that awful smell lingering for many months now but I think it’s gone. Sorry, was mulling over the fact that the Ex didn’t wish me. Oh but the Squirt sent me a delightful card which I would like to link to if she says its okay. Incidentally, it’s her birthday tomorrow.
Got the little girl the latest Post Secret book, the DVD for yes, judge all you want but Audrey Hepburn got me, ‘Roman Holiday’ and ‘Amores Perros’, my old webcam, and two MP3 CD’s. But they were the songs I really liked and about 10% of my collection. But I did want to write to her about each song, why I liked it and the memory associated with each one. Course, I ran out of time but still. Figured the book was good because it was one of the first things I noticed on her blog. Roman Holiday is my pick and her’s Amores Perros. Music because I do love her taste and am glad for it since music is a big deal to me and the Ex was never really into it. And it’s important to me. Very
Oh oh oh!! Zaphod going to see the Killers at Madison Square Garden baby!!

Anyway, I’ve been very hermetic the past few weekends and tonight well, going to Paradou. Lets see how it is

Hmm, so much I want to write but the moment passes given I have been busting my hump. More this weekend when I finally don’t have to work!!

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