Sunday, February 04, 2007


Wow so Bobo calls me up while at dinner with Vodka and apart from asking for advice gives the me crux which is dating Vodka and knowing every day what he is up to but not knowing him
The Ex and I had the same argument once.
With someone else right now, I am definitely avoiding doing the so what's been up in your day and making a genuine attempt to open up and let someone in.

I think just in general, its harder for guys to do that. Perhaps, if they see potential in something then they open up naturally. Of course, the more jaded they are, the harder it is. Or if they are completely in love with the person regardless of the outcome.

I don't understand it tho. I mean for some reason, i need to trust the person to some degree to not judge and also that they can perhaps to some degree relate. That naturally makes me want to open up. That and of course, feeling that the person cares. I wouldn't want to open up to someone who couldn't give a rats ass.

So here's what I am thinking. With the girl, i have to open up for the simple reason that apart from a natural compulsion (because I like to), she wants to get to know me. Great.
But there are times I think that we aren't anything. So why would she care? There are times I need to see she cares to some small degree because I feel like an idiot for opening up to someone who couldn't give a rats. I know this is extreme but I never want to be the forced guest just as much as I don't want to be the sap who opens up to someone who doesn't really give two hoots. While I know this isn't the case, I still would like to know that it makes a difference. Yes, I can be very demanding, especially emotionally but I think after opening up to a few people just to find out they couldn't be bothered, you can either close your self up or if you must open up, then know the other person likes what they see or care enough to make sure you keep opening up.

I think over the past week or more, I felt that perhaps I was being stupid in opening up and needed to know it still made a difference if I opened up or not and failing to get that, went looking for the reassurance that yes, I wasn't being paranoid or making an ass of myself. So, I did get clingy (feel so gross about that) but I am glad I had an epiphany and was able to vocalize it. Of course, it may be too little too late but at least I understand ...

1 comment:

hedonistic hobo said...

so then maybe he doesn't care, does he?
which is it? you awful amn now you've put awful thoughts in my head. because to all my questions he basically said, 'i have a lot of trouble doing serious conversations hobo.' and do i need him to perfectly articulate my place in his world in words when he gave me two incredibly thoughtful gifts. one, a book on a tennis player i'd mentioned i used to be in love with and two, goodies from a shop i mentioned so many moons ago that it was my favourite shop in the whole wide world. yet it's impossible for him to reveal his inner workings. but maybe this is how he does it. uff i dunno, i'm like you. you're like me. i want to share myself with him and him with me.