Monday, February 05, 2007
Days Go By
(Click on that little thumbnail thing and crank it up!)
Its been a 14 hour day. I spent 13 hours entering numbers in to a spreadsheet. I can't be bored, it drives me insane. Which is why I can't be cooped in for too long. Which is why I like having people around to deconstruct. So asking me to do something like that drives me insane. And I can't even be mechanical because it has to be perfect.
And then you step in to the cold, the unfamiliar cold freezing your hands until you cant feel them and the hand brushing your face doesn't feel familiar. And the song comes on. And for a flash there you feel part of a cliched but apt video - standing at an avenue while everything speeds up, the sun rises and sets, the people milling about hurried up until you feel as old and as still as the trees.
You wonder where time and life are going while you are still standing. This life is getting stale and it is time to rock the boat, no, jump ship and fall in to the wanderlust, the time to step out and find out what makes you happy and say fuck and reach out in to the unknown. Feel the incredibly liberating feeling of falling and knowing that come what may, you have learned to fly before hitting the ground so many times before that you know what, it doesn't scare you any more. So what's to stop you?
The most terrifying feeling right now is having every option to be any where I want to be and do anything I want to. Now it's a question of picking what I want. And I want home. I want the social environment I miss so much here. I want the noise and option of dropping by or meeting up for a drink. Fuck it, it scares the living day lights, but each day, I want it more and more to the point that I know exactly what to tell my folks and I know that if someone asked me why I was looking for a job in India, what exactly to say, every reason well thought out and if I have spent several months thinking about it, it just gets clearer and clearer.
I've flown and fallen a stranger in a strange land. How much worse can anything ever get? I've had loved ones sick, I've been broken hearted, I've been miserably sick, I've been broke. And I know I will never quit no matter how mucky it gets...always have and always will...bounce right back
So don't sit back and watch the days go by
Are you ever gonna live before you die
And when things fall apart
The world has come undone
Leave it all behind
PS: I dont know what the video is, fuck I haven't even seen it myself, it's as always, the song that counts but click on it!