Here's the problem or what changed and made me forget.
I was carrying this rather large sack of fear, insecurities, blithering half-thoughts that led to nothing.
It made me bitch, whine, sob, and pretty much mentally fuck myself over twice on Tuesday. I think it took an indirect but rather bitter dose of reality that snapped my neck back, where I did a Three Stooges head shake and go wait a minute, how the fuck did I get here.
So, I stopped, pulled over to the side, let the sack of crap down, proceeded to scratch my head and I had my eureka moment.
The thing with epiphanies is that that they are rather exhilarating and this comes from two effects. One is in a blinding flash every fits in, the Grand Unified Theory of crises. The second is the relief and happiness with the rapidity with which the cracks come together and smoothen out.
And then you take a deep breath, a half smile, watch the smoke curl up and out the window, the way it has always done but you were just too busy to notice, the lazy fingers frantic at first and slowly unwinding and curling and drifting out. Kinda feels like that, dun it?