Saturday, April 14, 2007


'Morning xxxxx

I miss you right now. It's night, I'm lying in bed, flipping channels not really watching anything, thinking of everything going on. And I want to talk to you.
The sheets are clean and drawn up, the window open slightly, cold air blowing in bringing in sounds of the city.

I'm not thinking about anything in particular. So many distractions but I can't stop thinking.
Slide away - and give it all you've got
My today - fell in from the top

I'm imagining all these other lives I could have had, the one if I never left India, the one if I had never met her, another where I had never started writing a blog.
The phone rings. It's a friend wanting to catch up. Perhaps later...

I'd like to see what it's like, this one that I have chosen. I'd like to move back and see where things go with you, another job, another city, hells bells, another life, choosing one while letting go of another.
In the morning when you don't know what to do
Two of a kind
We'll find a way
To do what we've done

It would be interesting to wake up with you (notice I didn't use 'fine' best b'loved, as apparently in woman talk that means 'bad'....women!)
and do all the banal things but knowing I can tell you whatever runs through my head, stuff that I am glad you find interesting and at the very least willing to listen more, in a way perhaps the words 'wanting to' would be more fitting. And knowing that I want to know more of you.
The news reports on the upcoming election, Hillary Clinton's classmates speak about her, Obama raises money for his campaign...a woman and a black man standing for elections...ironic, Bush, a white Texan elected by the red states was what was needed to tilt opinion to positive for a woman and a black man to stand for elections.

Instead of having to save snippets of my day to email you, to actually see you in the evening, perhaps over dinner and tell you and hear about you day, the new story you are working on, the new people you met and have you teach me more on politics (!)
I dream of you - and all the things you say
I wonder where you are now?

Did you know....?
What about....?
So tell me, .....?
Questions saved for the rare leisurely times when I don't have to run back to work or you don't have to get ready.
Something real, something what Id like that with you
'll find a way
Of chasing the sun
Let me be the one that shines with you
In the morning when you don't know what to do

I'd like you to meet my friends, BestBud who, you are right, is a bit nuts....Fat Man who is someone else I'm close to...Bobo, ToughCoookie, 11ses, Shah, Maxium (he's the one I warned, if you did to be good friends, would smack your gluteus), Garg, Tondy, SB, Gups... all of them.
Slide away, slide away, slide away, slide away
and I wanna try now, i wanna make you mine now

Fuck, I think we always pick our lives whether it being who we decide is our friend, what we want to become, what time we leave for work or deciding what's best. Most of the time we just do small things that perhaps have a bigger influence than we will ever know (or perhaps it's the influence of a tab open to Wikipedia's entry to Stranger Than Fiction that's making me think that) but on rare occasions we make conscious choices.
Hold me down, all the world's asleep
I need you now, you knock me off my feet,
I dream of you, and the thought of growing old

Haha, in cutting & pasting the song, I've began to think about it.
But inevitably comes back to you or wanting, this minute to tell you how much I love this song. Or making you listen to the others and felling really good about the fact that you like stuff like Snow by RHCP or Clap Hands by Tom Waits...reminds me, must send some Grace Potter & The Nochturnals to you.
Pity you aren't here, could have seen The Killers or Arcade Fire or The Kaiser Chiefs...
Oh, let me be the one
That shines with you, and we can slide away...

It would have been...again, interesting to be around Friday night, of course, I'm sure my presence wold have changed the night, at least with regards you being pulled by your Ex and the guy who has been in love with you...but still, would have been very nice to let you sort out your relationships, giving the odd bit of advice when asked
Okay, enough of this song...oo The Masterplan
Love the guitar opening, the main riff is acoustic guided by an electric, I'm sure I could learn to play this?

Or stand in a corner and let you do your own thing but be around to hug you or at least try and make you feel that things aren't all that bad.
But even without the soap opera drama, perhaps go one day and take your friends' dog for a walk...or watch you watch me go nuts over Gujju food and try and learn odd bits of Gujju-speak.
Will dance if they want to dance
Please brother take a chance
You know they're gonna go
Which way they wanna go
All we know is that we don't know
What is gonna be
...well the words certainly are ironic...

It's nice to write a slow email, nothing in particular to say, just talk with you. Again, feels incomplete, even when we do speak over the phone. The conversation is still missing you even though you are right there and all a conversation needs.
Meh, guess I can still call you The Omission, now however in a different context.
Made a meal and threw it up on Sunday I've
Gotta lot of things to learn
Said I would and I'll be leaving one day
Before my heart starts to burn

I'd like my folks to meet you. Even if my mum sounds like an ogre...which she isn't, really
But then I suppose I'd be intimidated by your Dad no matter what.

Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be
Stand by me, nobody knows
Yeah, nobody knows the way it's gonna be

Anyway kiddo...I can either keep missing you and feeling a bit low about it or I can go distract myself..until I speak with you again.


hedonistic hobo said...

i can't read this mega post in one go but suffice to say the word of the month is rrrrrompy-chompy!


Zaphod said...

Is that word carnal? Sappy? Dippy?

Please to elaborate.

Big Wave said...

this should be an email, no?:) chanced by this blog some time ago when it was a blog! a little disoriented this time around, feel almost like a voyeur!

Zaphod said...

But then again, there are two kinds of blogs; there are those catering to an audience and then there are the one's that should you stumble on them, you become a voyeur whether you like it or not.