Thursday, April 19, 2007

"Heeeeer's Johnny!!"

Freezin, rests his head on a pillow made of concrete,again
Oh, feelin maybe hell see a little better set a days, ooh yeah
Oh, hand out, faces that he sees time again aint that familiar, ooh yeah
Oh, dark grin, he cant help, when hes happy looks insane, oh yeah

I have forgotten myself. It has been 9 months since I was last stripped. And this has been the longest it has taken me to remember me.
I had forgotten who I am or where I came from and tried to stumble forward. And it's this hedonistic feeling to remember, it's like deja vu except this really happened.
At first I walked the walk, talked the talk, but the one closest to me saw the cracks and it threw me off because it reminded me that I had forgotten. Ironic and a terrible sentence but it makes sense to me.

Kneelin, looking through the paper though he doesnt know to read, ooh yeah
Oh, prayin, now to something that has never showed him anything
Oh, feelin, understands the weather of the winters on its way
Oh, ceilings, few and far between all the legal halls of shame, yeah...

I think part of me didn't want to remember and wanted to wallow and get completely consumed, hit the bottom of the proverbial bottle, dime bag, whatever your escape of choice may be.

While feeble attempts were made to get up again, the were more to go through the motions at an attempt to remember. Fuck that shit, aint no fooling me, least of all when I'm the fuck pulling the strings ya hear!

It feels familiar, the old me I remember, no longer hazy and no more 'I wish I were him'...sad given that the finger was pointed at me all along, just perhaps the me a year ago.

I missed me. It's good to be back. 9 months is way too long to run. And it feels good to stop.

Even flow, thoughts arrive like butterflies
Oh, he dont know, so he chases them away...
Ooh, someday yet, hell begin his life again, yeah
Oh, whispering hands, gently lead, lead him away...him away...him away...

1 comment:

Migdana said...

Good post.