I’m struggling to find meaning. If I thought I was in limbo 3 months ago, I feel it now more than ever. Every step is unsure because there’s no way of knowing if it’s the right move or not.
I’m trying desperately to bend my life to go the way I want it to and some how keep getting forced to surrender. And I’m a bit tired of compromising on what I want and what makes me happy.
How long can I keep pressing this way? I’m trying to get to a life that sitting else where, then what can I call what I already have.
Yes, I try and surrender and try and have faith. But it’s hard to do when every bit of me is screaming for opportunities. After all, I know I can work my butt off. What’s a guy who is willing to work 14 hours a day to get good at a job have to do before he gives up and wonders what the hell everyone is really after.
Don’t tell me I need experience, how do I get experience when you aren’t willing to give it to me.
This is frustrating. I had one melt down yesterday and am trying my best to keep a tenacious grip and forge on. But in the end it wears me down. It’s the same thing day after day after day.
All I’m trying to do is get closer home. Why is this so hard? Where is the meaning to all of this? What do I have to do get the opportunity I want? Where are all the answers?