Friday, December 08, 2006

Nesting

So this comes from women around me mentioning the biological clock. For instance, eM talks about hers quite openly, another mentions babies, another rues that she will be 25 soon…or 24 and will be alone…
I can understand the biological clock and agreeing with it or not is a question that can’t be answered simply because the question is redundant. It exists weather you like it or not and for good reason. There is a natural preponderance for the female to have a baby when she is settled and still young.
However, then there is the question of choosing between that and not compromising. It seems to me an argument between what is instinctive i.e. need to have the babeez and what is created but rooted in instinct i.e. finding a suitable mate. Back in the days of the caveman (“and mammoths...” great song from the Crash Test and in the sound track of the movie, ‘The Flintstones’) a female wanted a big swinging dick male to take care of her and their progeny. Now, its more than that, I mean every woman wants a good looking, successful man who has certain character traits that given we aren’t agrarians any more, we have the time to explore. Point being, is there at tipping point at which the desire to settle and nest is stronger than the need to find a male?

I would bring in the Ex here but why go there?

So consider this other girl I knew and the only attraction was that she was attracted to me but point is, she is super smart, works at redoubtably one of the best companies in the world and is a brain. But at 23, she met a guy who her parents picked for her and she seemed resigned to it.

Or consider Mindfucker. Her previous boyfriend didn’t smoke, drink or party. And she went from being a party girl in 2nd year to a nun in 3rd. And then her last bf boomed pretty often and she got into that whereas before she had hesitation toward it. So she seems to be the person she is dating. Which makes me wonder if its all part of her instinct to want to settle and be with someone she finds suitable though in this case, she changes her self to make her better half look suitable for her…how fucked up was that last thought?

And also, all this nesting talk brings up the point that as long as I keep going for women older than I, I am doomed. *doomed I tells ya!!*.
Women older than I seem to be at the nesting age. Guys I don’t imagine want to nest at 23, 24. Women do at 25+. Now I have never dated/flung anyone younger than i…well, significantly anyway. So does that mean that I should hit on a 19-20 year old who, when I am ready to settle at 27 will be 24, 25?

Anyway, I would be fine with someone who can nest around the time I am ready to. While I can make a commitment, the M word will remain the M word…and even if it sounds crude, I will still argue ki abhi to mein bachcha hoon

What do I know about the world?

The point of this is trying to understand (by vocalizing) women around me nesting.
Now consider SB. She is smart, hilarious and a stunner. But she hasn’t had a serious relationship (she dated this model for 3 months in her home town but I discount that given a. it was 3 months and b. I was in like with her at the time and am biased to discounting the nit she was seeing) but I know I would hate to see her settle with some moustachioed, lungi-toting moron who thinks Matisse is an Indian car and salsa is something limited to tacos and nothing beyond, to whom indie is neither the Jones nor the genre but lingo for Indian and will stare at a Pollock and go hein?
I know she argue that she is too smart for that and while she is a closed book, you never know. Anyway, if something like that happens, I don’t know if I can be friends with her.

I don’t know how I can forgive someone for compromising on something I feel is so very important. Of course, feel free to raise a finger and say its neither my place and well beyond my comprehension of traditional family values and the acceptable. And I wont argue! Of course it isn’t my place! And of course I don’t come from a traditional family. But still…I mean the father of your babies, the guy you spend your life with and die with? Really? Matisse…no?

Oh well.

2 comments:

jerry said...

Dude happens everywhere, strange that love's not it entirely...but other things that matter. A girl from school recently married (in 3rd year now) her first love. By the time I get to being married, she'll I think have a kid. I can't at this time think of being resposnible with babiez, so many things to sort out! Damn!

hedonistic hobo said...

look at you, really figuring it out in new york now aren't ya? ;)

biological clock, comfort, security. maybe some women bend over backwards because they just want the security of being with someone. and others don't need that security from a man but can find it within themselves. still others can be secure and confident individuals and not run the risk of losing themselves in a rleationship. i'd like to fancy that i am of the last vcategroy but i know i have been through each. and i don't think it's woman specific anyway. even though men are biologically programmed to sow their seeds far and wide. women are biologically programmed to find the best mate for their progenies, aside from hailing from a stellar gene pool he needs to possess the attirbutes of strength and protectiveness, reliability. the search for both needn't be finite.