Monday, September 24, 2007

Hear ye hear ye
I now announce a grand cash reward, amortizable in accordance with my pay if someone can find me a fucking job.
Yes, I have been on it for 6 weeks which is an insignificant amount of time compared with the 4 months I spent in school. But still, the stress I take on remains unabated.

Of course, the inherent issue is to destress myself. And I know things don't come easy and things that are worth it take time and effort and all the other pithy comments you like thrown in for good measure.

But here's the thing, this is one of two steps in what I think will make me happy. I'm looking for a job that will never let me get bored and I will grow into big heap chief, one that never makes me feel, "I'm done, I'm out, adios"
This does raise the bigger question and if you extrapolate the sentiment, it applies to everything, the kind of friends, the intimate relationships, retroactively wishing the same for your childhood. And yes, I know, if that were the case, a person wouldn't grow and yes, the same pithy, to grow you have to make your way through pitfalls, dust yourself off and get back on it. And yes, I said the same of broken hearts.

But hey, if you throw the dog a bone, he wont complain, honest injun.

I feel like bursting out of my skin again. And I've been trying to bring the highs and lows closer to the flat line. But I really want to scream and vent right now. I want to sink my teeth into something and not let go.


okay, time to reel it in, and get back to working on this freaking job hunt.

But as much as I try and fill in the white space, the silences and the quest moments, I can't help but wish that it were contentment that filled the white noise and hope that that indeed is the case and this job search is just one step closer to that.
I've had moments of it, absolute peace and I won't elaborate where or when at the sake of being dramatic, but in just saying that, I've given it away

Yeah, I'm being mysterious and such like but I'm sure the meaning has been extracted.

Skim over that part, you didn't miss anything, is the tiniest smile on my lips as I know what I mean.

I could talk about more important things like my outrage at the fact that people were against Ahmedinejad speaking at Columbia, at Blackwater and their training program, how Pratreus is full of shit, Bill Maher finally said something I don't agree with.
But right now, all I want to do is looking for a job.


.blink said...

hi Jacobs,
I read your blog and esquire regularly and i like what i read. I experimented with 'being Honest' and yes it works- mostly not in the nice way. what i learnt from the exericise was that a cocktail of silence and honesty worked best for me: that also reduced my desire to write asides...
Ps. i enjoy the way you write-- it's vague sometimes but interesting; and i am sure you land-up with a fun-filled, high paying job with absolute ease...

Zaphod said...

I've been trying out the honesty thing and not just with other people who mean a lot to me but with myself as well. And if anything, I've realized it takes balls to be THAT honest.
But thanks for the compliment. Yeah, I am vague I guess but the whole point of this blog was to write to myself so usually makes sense up there. But yeah, will keep it in and mind.
And yes, trust me, EVERYone will know when I get a job!
Oh and it's spelled Zaphod incidentally!